take my hand - joshler

25//

ryans hands shook as he looked around the empty bathroom. his family were asleep and the house was dark and gloomy. ryan didn't know what was wrong with him. he couldn't quite figure out why he did what he did. he turned the bathroom sink on and cleaned his wounds.

tears streamed down ryans face as he walked out of the bathroom and down the wooden stairs of his house. the front door was mildly open as his dad was asleep on the couch. it was going to be hard to sneak out without his dad realising and waking up.

ryan neared the wooden door and slowly opened it, along with the flywire door. his dad didn't wake up, luckily.

ryan walked out the front door and to the gate which was fully open, making this whole sneaking out thing easier for ryan. he wasn't sure where he was going or how long he'd be gone for, he just walked.

after two hours of walking he came to a familiar place; he was in the city of columbus, ohio. the streets were dimly lit by the streetlights and ryan could barely see anything, the tears made his vision blurry. the moon gave off a bit of light and the silence of the street calmed ryan down. he was cold, though, as all he was wearing was a singlet and shorts.

the tired, blue boy walked to where his old house was; he missed it so much. then he remembered how close he was to tyler.

"just a few minutes more walking and I can see tyler" ryan looked up at the full moon and blinked.

"oh god, i'm so sorry world" ryan wrapped his arms around himself to keep himself a bit warmer. it hurt his arms a bit, but he got used to it.

after a minute of walking, he saw a familiar street name. it was tyler's street. ryan's heart pumped and his stomach knotted up in anxiety. what would tyler think of all of this? would he tell ryan to go away and abandon him? he tried not to think of it too much. it was just giving him more stress.

he reached the joseph household eventually, shaking a lot. tyler's bedroom was around the back, so ryan had to jump the gate. his wrists still hurt a bit, but he would do anything to see tyler. ryan grabbed the small rocks in tyler's garden and threw them at tyler's window. the first three times, tyler didn't hear them. the fourth time, the rock almost smashed the window because ryan just ditched it.

tyler looked over at the window and walked towards it, looking down when he reached it. he saw ryan standing in the cold looking up and smiling. this warmed tyler's heart, but why was he here, at 3:30am? tyler sneaked down the stairs and to the back door. when he opened and walked outside, ryan gave him a huge hug.

"i'm sorry, tyler. i promised myself i wouldn't do this" ryan said between slight tears.

"ryan, what's wrong" tyler looked at the shorter boy.

"i hurt myself, tyler. i'm a disgrace to my family and the world. i don't deserve to be here"

"ryan, don't say that. you deserve to be here more than most people, you're an amazing human, and nothing is going to change that" tyler reassured his friend, a slight smile spreading across ryan's face.

"let's go inside, you look freezing" tyler lead his friend inside, taking him by the hand.

tyler gave ryan a jumper and pants to put on to warm him up.

"let's lay down, do you wanna watch a movie?" tyler asked. ryan nodded his head and layer down next to tyler.

"which movie?" ryan pointed to the movie he wanted on. tyler agreed that it was a good movie to watch.

after some time of laying together, tyler turned to face ryan.

"why did you do it, if you don't mind me asking?" tyler said softly.

"i, uh, i guess i just didn't feel well. well, i felt nothing. i was numb and scared because of my own head. ever since i've left here, my anxiety's gotten worse and my demons are starting to haunt me more. i guess it was all just getting too much" ryan trailed off. tyler felt sympathy for him, he knew exactly what all this felt like.

tyler looked ryan in the eye, remembering how much he really did love the boy. he was in love with ryan, and he couldn't help it. but what ryan didn't realise, was that he was in love with tyler too.

"i love you ryan" tyler said, looking at ryan. at this point, tyler was feeling warm and happy, all thanks to tyler. ryan gave tyler feelings that even josh didn't give him.

"i love you too, tyler"

this is where it all went downhill, because without even thinking, tyler kissed ryan, and ryan kissed back. tyler felt so happy and free with ryan, until he remembered about josh.

"oh no, no, no! ryan that was a mistake i'm sorry!"

"tyler, it's okay. why?"

"because of josh" ryan looked at tyler remembering everything about josh. "i just cheated on josh. i'm the worst person ever, i don't deserve him! i don't deserve you! i deserve death, i'm sorry" tyler cried.

"tyler, listen to me. you're an amazing person, like you said to me. tell josh what you did, tell him you were tired, you weren't thinking. tell him it was my fault, if you have to. i love you, tyler joseph, and i'm sure josh will too"

ryan pulled tyler into a hug.

"are you sure?" tyler asked, worryingly.

"i'm positive, tyler. besides, how couldn't someone love you?"