take my hand - joshler

18//

after making sure tyler was going to be okay and helping him clean up, josh had to head home. the whole time he couldn't stop think about the fact that tyler's parents would know josh as 'just the friend down the road' instead of tylers boyfriend.

it disgusted him how people could be homophobic and how people can't just accept people for who they are.

it really is disgusting.

after entering his home, josh decided to relax by having a shower.

showers calm everyone down, but josh had a feeling. a feeling that only colours could describe. it wasn't a happy feeling, it wasn't sad, it wasn't angry or suicidal or anything. it was just, nothing.

he felt nothing, and nothing was his feeling.

it was weird. not even tyler could tell josh what colour this feeling is, because tyler's never felt the feeling.

it was just nothing.

the warm water ran down josh's tanned back as he quietly cried in pain from the heat running down the cuts from the 'accident'.

josh closed his eyes and he saw the colour white.

white is an empty colour. instead of seeing black when he closed his eyes, like most people do, everything was white. it was empty in his mind.

and white is the exact colour to describe josh's feeling. because white is an empty colour. white doesn't have a special meaning.

black means dark and gloomy, red means a whole bunch of different things, as does all the other colours. but white didn't have a special meaning.

it was just a colour.

just like this feeling was just a feeling. it had no depth and no meaning. it was just there.

the reason josh hated this feeling was because he didn't know how to get rid of it, and he didnt know how to get rid of it because he didn't know what was wrong.

and everyone knows you can't help someone if you don't know what's wrong.