WANTING TO FORGET (supraman38) (itssamcollins) (Sam Collins)

/Love is sometimes pain/

*NOT APART OF STORY LINE*

Writing to me is like expressing all of your feelings on a page when no one is there to listen. I worry or care about the little things way too much. Life is too short to even care but when something or someone you love is messed with or gone, it messes with you a lot. The person could still be in your life and you would feel like they're gone and there's absolutely nothing you can do but to be happy for them.

I know someone has your heart. I'm happy for you, I really am but you can't expect me not to be very hurt, cry, have this image I pictured to be so perfect shattered with only a few words, "I have a girlfriend". I've never been so happy and unhappy all at the same time. I know you think you're letting me down or making me sad, it's not you though or the girl who has captured your heart. It's my fault for thinking you knew who I was and thinking that you liked me back when that was so unrealistic and not true at all.

I'm not a selfish person and I will honestly love for you to have someone to hold, kiss, call your own, and talk to all night about everything and nothing all at once, I just wish it was me. You deserve to be happy and I want to see you smiling. It hurts so much though, all the dreams I have of you, all the times I think of you throughout my day, all the constant and never ending reminders of you kill me inside. I've never felt this before, I wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone.

I try not to think about it, but when I know you're the reason why I smiled and laughed even in my darkest days, I can't let that go....I can't let you go.

You may think that it's no big deal and I should get over it, but how can I? How can I live when I know you love someone with all your heart, a girl you would do absolutely anything for. I put myself down a lot, to the point where I break down and cry for hours just thinking about all my flaws and how she's way better than me or how you love her and not me. I don't mean the "I love you", you would say to a friend or family member, I mean the one you say when you know for a fact that you couldn't function without them in your life. And the worst part is I've never talked to you or really held a conversation with you, that's how messed up my emotions are.

I know that I am in love with you and I can't make that feeling for you go away. I will never get to hold you in my arms like she can and I hope she treats you right, because she doesn't truly know how lucky she is to have you. I wonder if you have fallen in love with her yet, do you feel the pain when you don't talk to her or see her in a long time. I do, you are like a drug I keep going back to even though I know it's not the best thing for me, and when I do take a break from it all, I feel funny, like something's missing and if it's not there I won't focus on anything.

Finding you was one of the things you regret but don't at the same time. I know you'll never get to know me and I won't meet you. That's why my ongoing sadness is inevitable. I appreciate all that you have done for me without you even knowing because you definitely are one of a kind and could make anyone feel better whilst in your presence. It's just those moments I keep catching myself having where I know I can never get close to you and help you through any problems or pain you have. Maybe one day, it may not be soon but I have't to give myself some hope, in the end that's all I'll ever have. It's sad but unfortunately true.

With all that said I
Love you and
goodbye.💔

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A/N: hey guys, this is something I was feeling about a particular someone and I wrote it down in my journal so I felt like I should share it with you all in hopes that you can relate in any way. I know it had nothing to do with "wanting to forget". I will still be continuing the story it's just easier to write these kinds of pieces instead of dialogue. I didn't really have time since Christmas was on Wednesday, so I thought I'd at least put something up. So yeah thanks for reading and share this on twitter or even a friend if you want. A new chapter is coming soon so keep checking for that! bye! :)