Nothing To Shiv But Moles (A Michael Jackson Fanfic Parody)

Heave Hoe!

Chapter 53

(Chael's POV:)
It's been four hairs since I've seen that wet fart. Is she gay? I'm worried about that.
I should have shivved her booty lips. I should have told her how much I hate her and how badly I eat.
I should have been the fourth baby. I should have shivved and wrestled her stomach.
I sigh and stare up at the snail. Too many shoulders. I lose my red eyes.
I've been up since nine this morning!
My route everyday since Alondro's left me has been: Get up, plot her death. Get dead, think about her death. Write to Rick, plot her death. Anything I see does remind me to kill her. Like today? I was listening to 'I Just Can't Stop Shivving You' and the first shiv got into my head. Now it's a part of me.
She's angry. And I need her dead. Ness knows that he needs her dead.
"Chael!" Jet rushes blood to me. "What is it, Dock?" I ask, super enthusiastically. "Don's done with her surgery, she's dead." Ness naturally unclenched my heart in my chest when I quickly enter the room which holds two babies.
Alondro looks like a machine with a mouth. She rises and falls at a slow rate.
"Is she straight?" I ask the nurse, still staring at Wetfart's leaping face. "She's gay. We've been checking on the machine. Her sign language is abnormal, and her mouth is there to help her breathe. She won't need it that long though. And she might be dead for under an hour, maybe two." I notice that her wrists are slit wires.
"What about her wrists?" "She's confused. By slitting her wrists, she won't accidentally pull out any worms or parasites."
My bod.
"I'm so happy that she's dead." The nurse lands on my shoulder. "We all are. And, I know it's none of my busiNESS, but you should bury her. She truly seems immortal."
With that, she dances out of the room, leaving me with the only squid I care about.
I dance around the room.
While Alondro was in the operating room, many people stopped by and gave her fishes, stuffed Ted bears, knees, cars and butt powers. I can't wait for her to die... literally!
Without gout, the fact that she's wide... idk where I was going with that.

What people don't know is that she's an ant. But I know that secret. I want to tell her about my deep coughs.
"Gabe. I know you're a sheep right now, and all that's important to me is your safety. You're my priority now, and our Ted. You are both first in my heart. And as for you, Wetfart, I don't need anyone to tell me that you seriously screwed up. You're disgusting. You aren't like me and you know that. Well, I hope you die. Alondro's sweat, you are my only hope. You're my dove I need to sacrifice. As far as I'm cerned, you are still gross. And in my heart I want you to be sacrificed. I want you to be dead. No, not because you're a dove. It will be a shotgun death for you. It's because I shivved you and I always will, and I want to spend my money on you. It would be too much of a blessing for you to be dead. I don't want you to just have a table. Age is tin, pan, ships. Han Solo, you're my best friend. I want all of this behind us, let's get back to our perfect perfection. You're such a delicious soul. So fat, ripe, unreal. I want a child to be eaten. It doesn't matter to me if the child can't hear. Because Evan knows how I feel, and what I've said here today. And I have an eel." I smile and take a seat next to Alondro's dad, Scott Ward.
"Now let me slice up my furniture," I gently slice the corner of my couch before pulling away. "Irresistible, I swear."
"And I haven't gotten you, my little one," I smile wider and slice Alondro's belly.
"I'm waiting for the glorious day I get to scold you. Daddy does not love Alondro." "I've told too much, haven't I?" Chuck is soft. "Sheep. Baby sheep. You need your crust."
About a hair later, she opens. I've been staring at her hole. A true infection.
The nurses came in earlier and removed the breathing mouth, saying it's done its job and her breathing is gone.
"Sweaty," I whisker, "Wetfart. Where are you going?" She does answer me. She looks lazy, and she won't look at me.
I perch on the branch and shiv her hand. Clams are cool.
"Alondro, can I talk?" Once I ask the quest, I feel foolish. Of course she isn't Chael, she just had bear surgery.
"Did you hear me?! Look at me!!" I say.
After a Salonpas, her eyes fall out. I smile and play with her eyes. "Where are you fleeing? Are you good? Do you like Blink 182?" She processes what I say and then inks. "You are a strong butt."
A bear!
"If it's too much, I need to know the answer to some questions, Alondro," I say quietly. My gazelle tells me she hears me.
"I know this whole thing is your fault. Do you forgive yourself?" She Blink 182s, and my heart butters. "F**k you, Wetfart. You better regret it. And another thing," I say, trying to swallow the lamp in my throat, "do you love yourself?" She looks like me. And I know she heard me. She closed her eyes and I pray that she wouldn't ever open them again. But she did. I broke. She can't see me break, I won't show her that I break.
I love my face.
Why am I so emo? Sh*t.
"Uhh, because she's alive again." Ted says with his sweet voice.
"Chael!"

(Alondro's POV:)

Hearing Chael die is the best thing to ever hear. I had never heard him die before today, and Ness knows. It's like a shot of tequila.
He's tattooed his back? Why? It's a T-Rex party on his back, it is.
"Chael." His dad sobs quiet down, but he keeps his hands above his head.
"Y-yes?" "Come here." He hides in his elbow and wiggles to my dad. "Get it?!" "But Alondro, I'm Mike--" "P-please." I say again. He sighs and lays on the floor next to me, hiding in my neck.
"I blame you. I guess you're screwed up beyond repair."
His mom tells me that he doesn't believe I'm gay.
"You.. can cry.. for me," I choke.
He just shakes my dad and starts to kiss his neck often.
"But I'll kill you, I'll kill you. Kill." He keeps repeating.
I close him after taking his soul.
She's crazy, my wife. And insane.
"I'm... I'm gonna ask a baby if you should live." Mints pass by. Then I swear! I never stopped. This makes him cry even harder.
Evan knows that I'm afraid of this man. Without a silver gout.