drugs & alcohol | d.l

feelings are a f*cking bitch...

(lmao that pic of Nate is me when someone calls my bestfriend their bestfriend.. like fr nig no.stop)

(also this chapter is going to be in 2 parts because im too tired to write all of it, so it'll be up by sunday night)

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2 weeks later

Since that Derek and i had sex that night, he's been a lot more protective of me, and as in protective i don't mean like always holding my hand protective, i mean angry protective, especially with Nate. i don't really blame him though, i mean come on, Nate iis Mr fucking steal yo girl...

speaking of Nate, he's been really distant with me lately, we still talk a lot, but he just hasn't been himself around me, he's always trying to avoid the topic of me and Derek, and he's been getting Swazz to say things to me for him, which is weird. we were invited to a party as a thanksgiving kind of thing, and to be honest, for the first time ever, i'm not really keen to go out and get hammered ending in one of the boys having to carry me in and out of cars and houses, so i think im just gonna go back to the apartment and chill, i haven't been back there in a while, i still help Indi with the rent and everything, but we just haven't been there in almost a week.

Derek and Swazz come into the lounge where im sitting and ask me what i'm wearing tonight so they can tell the others to wear matching colours, but when i tell them i was just going back to the apartment to watch netflix and eat a shit load of food, they disagree immediately.

"why don't you wanna go?" Derek asks with confusion on his face, knowing that i never usually pass on partying.

"i don't know, i'm just not really feeling it today, just wanna have a quiet night by myself, ask Indi" i say looking at the both of them.

'you sure?" thy ask at the same time

"yeah" i reply smiling

"okay, well do you want one of us to drive you there later?" Swazz asks

"no i'll drive myself there it's okay" i say politely

"now go, get ready" i say waving them off

"okay well atleast tell me what colour to wear" Derek says

"not white, definitely not white, it makes you look whiter than you already are" i say with sarcasm

"ghee thanks K, now i know where to come when i need reassurance of how white i am" Derek says laughing and starts to walk out behind Swazz

"love you!" i call out to him

"yeah i know" he yells back, heading up the stairs

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i sit in my apartment alone after driving back, it's around 8pm and im getting tired already, jesus christ i need help. stranger things is playing on netflix and i had just eaten half a tub of Ben & Jerry's ice cream. i'm just about to doze off when i hear a knock on the front door, im hella confused as i don't remember making plans for someone to come over, oh well...

i open the door to see Nate in grey sweats and a white shirt with his hundreds of necklaces on that he always wears and his phone and keys in his hands.

"what're you doing here, i thought you were going to the party. i say confused as i willingly let him in.

(lmao that's what she said)

"uh, yeah, i was gonna go but the boys told me you were coming back here for the night and i really needed to talk to you about something so i invited myself over" he says chuckling and scratching the back of his neck.

"i can go if you want" he says starting to walk towards the door

i grab his arm, stopping him from going any further

"no, it's fine, stay" i say smiling and directing him towards the couch.

"so what'd you want to talk about?" i ask, sitting on the opposite side of the couch from him

"okay, well i need you to just listen and not say anything until i tell you to, okay?" he says putting his phone down and turning towards me, making sure he has all of my attention.

i nod in response before he starts talking

he sighs and takes a deep breath before starting

"okay, so i know this isn't a good time at all to be admitting this to you, considering your with Derek, but i need to say something before it gets worse." he says before continuing

"ever since that day that Derek saw me and you on the couch, i haven't been able to get you off my mind, i've been trying everything. sex, drugs, alcohol, parties, clubs, hell i've even tried like 3 different drugs to get you out of my head, but nothings worked,nothing. the reason i've been so distant is because i didn't want the feelings getting any stronger, you're with Derek,and as much as i hate to admit it, it fucking hurts. it fucken hurts to see you madly in love with someone else, especially my best friend. so that's why i've been so awkward, i didn't want my feelings getting in the way of your relationship with him. feelings are a fucking bitch, and i don't know whether the feeling will ever be mutual, but i just needed you to know" he says softly while running his fingers through his hair, i see a few tears slip from his eyes and my heart breaks a little inside.

"you can talk now" he says to me with hope and regret in his eyes

im shocked at what he just said, and i don't know how to answer him.

"nate, i don't know what to say" i say breaking a little at the sight of him crying

"it's fine, just please think it through, i know you'll probably never think of me in that way, but just take some time to build up an answer, and when you have one, you know where to find me." he says grabbing his phone and keys and slipping them in his pocket.

"see you later, Kiran" he said softly, a few more tears escaping his eyes, making me want to cry myself.

i watch as he makes his way out of the apartment. i wait a few minutes before going over the the front window to see Nate driving slowly out of the carpark and i suddenly feel incredibly alone.

i watch as he speeds off down the road and his car disappears from sight

"im so sorry, Nate" i whispered, closing my eyes and leaning my forehead against the cool glass window, thinking how i'm going to give him a reply...

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