If You Want

Chapter 1- New Place

*INTRODUCTION*

I knew I wouldn't live long but long enough to experince the pain that people live through. Life is short, but not this short. How much more till I'm gone? That's the problem we don't know. 24 hours, days, months, years, we don't know but I'm going to live up to that moment and this monster living inside me slowly creeping out and taking over the person you love will soon be gone but don't be hurt I'm not the one you thought you wanted. You wanted a loving girl, and all you got was this monster.

*CHAPTER ONE*

"I love you." She's holding me way too tight.

"I Love you too!" I pat her sympathetically. 

She looks around the small studio and I can tell she doesn't approve.

"Ly," she begins so softly she practically whispering, "you're 16 and still have a year of high school and then college and."

"I will be fine, I have a job that I get good money from, I have a high GPA, and mostly I have a frantastic mother supporting me." I interrupt.

"Frantastic?" She questions. I nod.

"Oh I love you so much! Come visit, call if you need anything!" She emphasized anything.

"I will mother!" I gave her one last hug and kiss then walked her to her car and waved as she drove away.

When I got back up to the studio I took a deep breath and smiled, "my own place to live, and breath, move, and love!"

I walked over to my planner and started mapping out what I need to do. "I get 250 a week from work, It's 600 per month here, I could get two room-mates and do 200 each or just one and split." I'm glad it was Friday or I would have died at school tomorrow from sleep desperation. "Groceries for three is more expensive then two but we each could pay for our own or just split the cost." I was planning everything so I wouldn't run into any road bumps. Before i could go to sleep I put out an ad for a room-mate, it desecrated, *male/female room-mate wanted* 16-18 years of age, Dublin area, employed, could pay 300 a month and move in with rent already paid for the first two months, call Lyra Jones 342-222-0101.* After I get that done I shower and put fresh sheets on my new bed, my own bed, in my own house, and laid down then fell asleep to the wonderful thought.

I woke up to my phone screaming, six missed calls, 24 text messages, and two emails. I was hoping the emails were from room-mates, not my mother. I "read" the messages and decided to call my mom after my cup of cocoa.

"Oh thank god Lyra I thought something went wrong and you were stolen or dead or hurt. Why didn't you answer my calls? Or texts? I was worried sick!" She was out of breath.

"Mother it's 8 in the morning on a Saturday, I was trying to do the normal teenage thing and sleep." I said yawning afterward. 

 "I'm sorry Ly," she sounded apologetic but I wasn't taking it, "I'm just scared. You are young and beautiful and let's not mention smart, I just want you to be safe."

"I will mother. I came here to live my life, the rest that I have." I got quiet, "I need to go, I have things to do today. Bye love ya!" 

I hung up before she could pity me. I felt sad for only a moment but held my head up high and almost forgot about the emails. When I went over to my desk, turned on my new computer, and opened my emails, I now have eight. Two are from work, one's from my new school, and the other five are from people. I opened each one looking for different things, the most I was looking for was the things I listed on the ad but I also was looking for grammar, and looks. I laughed at the thought, me looking at new roomies for their looks, it's silly. The first two were girls, both were 17, in school, at my school, employed, but only one could afford rent for the first two months, and the one who can had better grammar. The other three were guys each one better looking than the others. I have my eye on this boy Trevor, he's 16, works at the apple store, and could pay three months up front. I decided on him after my shower and email him back. We decided on meeting tomorrow at the Starbucks that's about 10 minutes away from the apartment, at around noon, I'm excited.

I plan out what my day looks like for tomorrow, and I already have Monday planned out. Today I've decided to go to the mall and get some new clothes and some things for the apartment. When I got to my car I started to think what life would be like without this, this monster that lies inside me haunting me each and everyday. I blow off that idea and start the car. When I get to the mall I know what I'm looking for, spring clothes, skirts and dresses mostly. I walked around and decided after looking through 100 stores I need my white girl crack, Starbucks. I saw Tyler, my friend who I've known for a year or so, he works here and knows my order and starts it before I get to the register. 

"4.50" He says giving me his award winning smile.

"Does this work?" I say handing him $5.00, "keep the change." I winked.

"Wow thanks a whole 50 cents." He laughed and handed me my drink.

I lost track of time and by the time I fished shopping it was already 9:30pm. I got three dresses, two skirts, some belts, four new shirts, a new pair of jeans, and some shoes. I began to think about what to get for the studio, one bedroom, one bath, a kitchen, family room, and a dining area. 

"I could use a new lamp in the living room, I need light bulbs, cleaning supplies, new sheets, I could use some new pillows for the couch and one of my own." I began thinking before I even got home.

I'm glad I did because after a load of wash and a shower I passed out.