Chrysalis (Book 1.5 in the Wolfen Brethren Series)

Hanshum Kai

22 Years Old
Febuar

                   

After our conversation that night I was done with Carson. I mean I had been done for years but from that point onwards any little niggle that I may have had left in my heart for him had quickly dried up.

Poof

Gone

I had heard all I needed to hear and it seemed he had said all he could say because his tune never seemed to change.

It was always me, me, me.

I need, I want, I suffered, blah blah blah. The story repeats itself.

It was always about him and no one else, I thought fatherhood would change him astronomically but I had only been lying to myself. He was always about himself, Carson was always Carson's first thought in life and I was always some whittling factor he considered after he made his choices.

I was never first for him and though I had no desire to be his priority, it always bugged me that I wasn't. That he couldn't just use his initiative and realise that if he put me somewhere near the top of his priory list, his life would run a lot smoother. He wouldn't be sitting around self depreciating himself in the moments that he wasn't being an amazing father or trying to be an upstanding citizen.

He would have been enjoying life because his guilt for all the crap he had put me through, would be somewhat atoned. We would be amicable and he would sleep easy knowing he had tried.

Not Carson though, he was the roll on your back and let life happen type. He did dumb stuff that he thought would benefit him and when it didn't, he sat back and twiddled his thumbs waiting for the landslide to crush him. The male was dense. He acted as if everything he did was somehow a way to protect me or benefit me but in actuality, the reality was that he did things for himself.

He didn't mate me back then because he wasn't ready, not because I was too young. He gave Yavan my names because he wanted me to feel obligated to his son, not because he wanted to give me something back. I was done being his mat, he had walked over me for so long but I was over that.

He wanted me to be there for his son but if he knew me at all he would have known that I would be there for Kai regardless of whether he was my son or not. That was just the type of female I was. I would have been attached to Yavan whether he was Carson's son or not because that little boy was something special. He was different, a unique ball of light.

In the few months that I had been here, he had filled my life with a lot more joy. Being around him made me happy but also sad because I missed the children. Neema had given birth to Noah quite some time ago. The twins were 8 and Micah was 4, Jana was grown and Caillum was going through puberty. Everyone was growing without me and I needed to be around them again and so I was leaving another home away from home.

Before that, I wanted to make sure Kaiser was stable enough and that we had pinpointed exactly what disease he had, so we could start discussing medicines and healing options. We had made quiet a few discoveries when it came to his illness and the main clue had been his struggle with breathing and Nelly's the Rh incompatibility during her pregnancy.

The issue was something to do with his blood, we hadn't pinpointed which disease it was but I was leaning more towards a type of anaemia. It would mean his blood wasn't transporting oxygen around his body efficiently which would explain his breathlessness.

It wasn't concrete information but I was slowly working my way through an old world scientific journal of common diseases and all their uncommon variations. There were loads of scientific words that I didn't quite understand and the way words were written slightly differed. It seemed that the English language had varied over the years, if only in written form and so it took me a little longer to read.