Text Messages

0.4

• M A T T H E W H E N S L E Y •

"that I am Ella"

Matthew ran his hand through his dark mahogany hair, angrily sighing in defeat. He wanted to tell Ella how much he loved her. How much he wanted to see her and be able to say those words in person. But in his several months of speaking to her, he knew she didn't feel the same way, because he knew she wanted someone else.

Just the thought of it pained his heart. All he wanted to do was to love and to be loved, no matter who Ella is and what she might have looked like. But even simple things such as love was a privilege which in Matthew's world was just as hard to find as it would be to find a four leaf clover. Simply impossible.

In disappointment he dialed up the only person he knew he could rely on, and waited patiently as the phone rung against his ear.

"Hello?"

Confusion was evident in her voice, it was probably because she didnt read the caller I.D., such simple things are things she forgets to do. But complicated things such as equations in algebra was her favorite thing to memorize.

"Hey Julie"

Matthew smiled, despite the immense disappointment he felt in himself.

"So did you tell her?"

She asked in anticipation. Things like this have always lead Julie to be more straight forwarded than she is, and Matthew was always happy when she was because he knew she wasn't afraid to act like herself.

"Sadly, I couldn't"

Matthew sighed, almost at the same moment Julie sighed.

"Matthew what are you afraid of? I know you and you're not one who hides your emotions, not like this"

And it was true. Matthew was a person that felt the way they act, and act the way they feel, it was always Matthew's priority to be honest about what he feels, because in his world honesty was the only assurance of some things that aren't secret which made a person genuine, heartfelt, and vulnerable. The thought comforted Matthew, and the fact that Ella was so open to him, open about what she wanted or who she wanted, it made him fall for her harder and harder.

"She likes someone else, Ju. Its like I want to scream out my feelings but Im choked back because theres already that reassurance. The reassurance that she doesn't feel the same way, and that my feelings are just a waste of time. Do you know how that feels?"

There was a slight pause at the other line, almost making Matthew think that she accidentally hanged up, or that the phone was disconnecting. Her voice interrupted his trail of thought,

"Yes actually, I know that feeling quite too well"