Facetime

Chapter 34

I pulled out my phone and found myself dialing his number. I had placed a *67 in front of it so he wouldn't know it was me. I couldn't help myself. I just needed to hear his voice. Before I knew what was happening, my phone was up against my ear and he had answered.

"Hello? Who is this?"

I found myself crying harder than I was before. I was positive he could hear my cries because they were so loud.

"Are you okay? Why are you crying?"

I found it to be harder and harder to breathe and before I knew it, I was having a panic attack. I quickly put my head in my hands taking deep breathes. I held the phone tighter in my grip and managed to stutter out panic attack. Niall immediately freaked out.

"Okay just breathe, in through your nose, out through your mouth. You can do it."

He started quietly singing a song I didn't recognize and within seconds the panic attack stopped. Niall's voice broke the silence once again.

"Are you okay? Can you please tell me who this is?"

A sob escaped my lips and I hung up on him. I needed someone to talk to before I do something I regret. I thought hearing Niall's voice would make the pain in my heart go away but it's so much worse. I just needed to rip my heart out to make it stop.

I scrolled through my contacts finding the one person I knew I could talk to. After a few rings, I heard her confused voice through the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hi Lou, I don't know if you remember me but it's Tessa Riley."

"From the TCA's? Yeah I remember you. I see everything went well with you and Niall and now you're dating! You lucky thing!"

I took a shaky breath as a tear rolled down my face.

"That's, um, that's actually why I'm calling you..."

"You and Niall have like, the perfect relationship, what's wrong?"

I closed my eyes and the picture of him pressing Ellie Goulding against his car, sucking on her neck appeared in my head. I was once again sobbing in the middle of the hallway and I didn't even care who heard.

"It h-hurts, Lou. I gave up everything for him! My friends, hell, even my mom and this is what I get... and it just hurts so fucking much. The pain is always there, right in the middle of my chest and no matter what I do, it doesn't go away."

"Why are you hurting, Tessa?"

"He c-cheated on me, Lou..."

She gasped and I sobbed into my hands.

"This can't be right, he loves you so much, Tessa."

I scoffed and shook my head.

"No he doesn't. If he loved me like you say he does, he wouldn't have cheated on me, Louise. Even you know that."

She sighed.

"I'm breaking, Lou and this time; no one is here to save me. I'm scared. I'm so scared my emotions will get the best of me and I'll do something I'll regret. I'm scared that I'll go back to the way I used to be before Niall. I'm scared I'll become suicidal again..."

She took a shaky breath and I realized my confession had made her cry.

"No Tessa, don't say things like that. Please never say things like that ever again."

"I can't help it!"

The bell rang and my eyes widened, realizing the hallways would fill up again.

"Listen, I have to go."

I quickly hung up the phone and turned around, opening my locker and shoving all my books into it before hurriedly wiping away my tears before anyone saw them. I grabbed my books for my next class and slammed my locker shut before walking there.

I can't just ditch my classes and let everyone think they got inside my head. I have to prove to them that I'm strong and I can survive. I have to make sure they can't tell I'm breaking on the inside.

I made it through the rest of the day without anyone else coming up to me and saying anything. Amy and Brad would see me in the hallway but they would just turn around and walk the other way.

I walked out of the school and imagined Niall leaning against my car with flowers like he did the first time I was mad at him. I sighed when I realized he wouldn't be standing there and got into the car.

I drove home in complete silence, something I never did. I always had to have sound whenever I was in the car but I guess I just wasn't myself today.

When I arrived at my house, I just walked straight up to my room, not bothering to grab any food or to tell my mom I'm home. I walked right over to my bed and curled up in it. My eyes drifted shut and before I knew it, I was asleep.

I woke up to my phone going off. I groaned and hit ignore, curling back up in my blankets. Right before I was about to drift off to sleep it went off again. I hit ignore but just like before, the person called again. I groaned in frustration and grabbed the phone, accepting the call.

"Can I help you?!"

"TESSA, WHAT THE FUCK!?"

I bit my lip to hold back the tears that threatened to fall after hearing his voice.

"I get a call from Lou who is in hysterics saying that she thinks you're going to try to kill yourself!"

"I'm fine, Niall."

"Then why would Lou say something like this if she knew you were fine! She said you called her sobbing!"

"Please Niall, I'm fine. Just hang up the phone."

"No! You've been ignoring me for weeks, Tessa! WEEKS! And then Lou calls me telling me you're going to kill yourself and you expect me not to be freaked out?! What's going on Tessa...?"

"Nothing, I'm fine. Now please leave me alone."

"Tess, just open the door."

"What door?"

"Your front door, I'm outside."

"Niall, go home."

"This is a joke right Tess! I just flew all the way here to make sure you were okay and you won't even let me in!?"

"You can't just keep flying out here all the time whenever there's a problem. It's not reasonable! It's insane actually!"

"So you're just going to leave me out here?"

"No, I'm going to tell you to go to a hotel or get a flight home."

"I, I thought you loved me?"

A tear rolled down my cheek and I sniffled.

"Yeah well, I thought you loved me too."

And with that, I hung up and cried myself to sleep.