Lesson never learned

Guilty as ever

Life. A word defined so differently by all people. Some say life treats them fairly, others say life is so unfair. In my case I'm one of the others that considers life to be utterly unfair. Well who I am to say it's unfair when I'm probably just getting karma for all of the shit I've done. Allow me to introduce myself, I am May Smith. I'm 19 and I'm probably the biggest piece of shit you'll ever meet. Allow me to explain my dear friends...

Finally Saturday morning rolled around,  I woke up about 11. Rolled out of bed still groggy as fuck. My dog Mason followed me to my oversized bathroom, like who needs two bathtubs and two sinks? Who designed this?

Took a quick shower to wash away the smell of cigarettes and alcohol from the night before. I dried myself off and put on some jeans and my favorite heavy metal tee shirt.

Just as i walked out of my room I stepped on fucking dog shit! Well fuck that shit, I quickly cleaned myself up. I grabbed my keys and my small brown purse. I did the walk of shame to my shitty Buick. Turned the key and listened to the engine ratting, Ah what a great sound.

I had an hour drive ahead of me to see my boyfriend of 6 months. God it's been forever since I've seen him! I missed him. If he knew what I've done we'd totally be over. Trying to hide the guilt is going to be hard, but a cold hearted bitch like me should be able to handle this.

I thought about all that I've done while I drove on the highway going 30 over the speed limit. I thought about how the night before, I had a guy I just met in my bed. I didn't mean for it to go as far as it did, but hell I enjoyed the pleasure.

It started off pretty innocent, we  I'm cuddled and kissed. In the middle of night we got crazy. He started to lick my breasts slowly, i sucked on him for a while. Well you know what happened.

I was so deep into thought I drifted slowly into the other lane, a horn let out a big beep and it pulled me out of my thoughts.

I turned my attention back to the highway, I enjoy these long car rides by myself . I realized it was almost to exit 71 so I slowed down. I got to the toll booth and stopped. "$1.75" she said. I paid and the gate opened. "Welcome to Cairo" the sign said as I drove into the small country town in the middle of nowhere.

In Cairo you can pretty much drive through it in less than 5 minutes. It doesn't even have A Walmart! Talk about pathetic. I drove up to his house and parked. "Hey I'm here." I said sending him a quick text.

He replied with "ok." He came outside to greet me. "Hey babe!" Cameron smiled and gave me a big hug. "Ugh you smell like cigarettes." You got to be kidding me! I just showered! He shook his head and grabbed my waist. His lips quickly brushed against mine. "God, you don't know how much I've missed you." He said leading me inside.

When we got inside his two big dogs Maple and Sam greeted me with big slimy kisses. His little brother jack came down to do his chores "Hey may!" Jack said running past. "Hey dork!" I called back. "May, you're here." His mom Sharon said. She gave me a big hug.

We all sat down to watch the Walking Dead, because what's a good night without zombies? Cameron put his arm around me and his other arm across my stomach. It was nice to be held by someone I knew cared about me. In the middle of the season finale, several scenes of last night flashed through my mind. I couldn't do this.

It's so embarrassing to just burst out in tears in front of him and his whole family. They all comforted me and tried to ask me what's wrong.

I was guilty I couldn't even look at him, I got up and ran for the front door. I got out the door so fast, I didn't even know if he ran after me. I ran to my car barely able to catch my breath. I sat in my car and bawled. I couldn't see, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't hear. More scenes played back, I hit my steering wheel as more tears covered my tan seats. My door swung open, I didn't move. Arms wrapped around me, he didn't say a thing. I cried so hard in his arms, so hard I started feeling really light headed. I think I literally cried myself to sleep. How fucking pathetic.

I woke up with such a headache. A little smile covered my face as I realized I was laying on the very love seat where Cameron and I had our first time.

Cameron walked in and he looked at me. Worry covered his face. "How are you doing?" As I about to answer a wave of nausea came over me, I shook it off. "I'm o." I didn't even finish my sentence when I vomited all over the wood floor and Sharon's beautiful rug. I felt so bad, I started to cry. "I'm sorry." I said over and over. "It's okay." Cameron said softly as he went to go clean it up.

I collected my phone and keys and walked to my car, he followed behind me. "Are you sure you can get home safely?" He held onto my open car door as I got in. "I'll be okay." I said In a raspy voice. He gave me a soft kiss on my cheek and closed my door. My car rattled to life. I put it in gear and started for the highway. Holy fuck! It's bright outside I realized as I turned onto central.

My phone rang, it played my favorite song "Ride by SoMo."

"Hello." I answered without looking who was calling.

"Hey sexy. I enjoyed the other night, you want to do it again tonight?" A husky voice answered. 

Oh shit! It's Nathan! I've been trying to avoid him. Fuck my life.

I decided I was going to tell him the cold hard truth. " I can't, I just can't."

Heavy breathing filled the other line. I heard light laughter. "You stupid Bitch, I'll get you back. Fucking whore." He yelled. I flinched like I just got slapped. Oh fuck what did I do!