Lesson never learned

Karma Killed Me

**HEY HEY READERS! I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS CHAPTER! RAPE IS NOT FUNNY AND RAPE VICTIMS DIDN'T BRING IT UPON THEMSELVES! IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS A VICTIM OF SEXUAL ASSAULT PLEASE CALL: 1-800-656-4673.THIS CHAPTER HAS SOME TRIGGERS, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK! OKAY NOW ONTO THE CHAPTER!- THATWEIRDO_THATREADS <3 ** 

Tuesday morning.

I laid in bed with no movement for hours, Lucas left at 3am. The pain i endured was unimaginable, I was raped and It was my fault. The worst part is, I'll never tell anyone. I am the worst person on the entire planet. This time i wanted to just end it all, no one would be able to stop me. My phone rang from across the room, I didn't move i just let it ring. Every so often, i'd cry silently, so my roommates wouldn't hear me. Silently crying is hell, it's so hard to breathe. By 4 in the afternoon, hunger has taken over me completely. Hunger is the only thing that will get me out of bed, no matter how i feel. 

I drug myself to the kitchen, I raided the cabinets and the fridge. There was nothing worth consuming in here. After searching high and low, I found my roommate's stash of chips. OH Doritos come to mama. I took the family sized bag back to my room, i ate the whole bag. It's just one of those days. I went back to laying in silence, looking up at the ceiling fan. I AM NEVER GOING TO BE THE SAME. I made my way to the bathroom, to clean my tear stained eyes. My phone lit up with a notification as i made my way to the sink. 

Cameron: Are you okay?"

I put my head down on the sink, big deep breathes filled my lungs and escaped my lungs. A big wave of pain filled my stomach, bringing me to my knees. I yelled out in pain as tears easily rolled down my red cheeks. I felt like my stomach was being ripped out of my body, the worst pain I've ever endured. I crawled to my night stand and popped some Advil into my mouth. I sat on the floor wishing for instant relief. I crawled my way back to the bathroom, I reached for my phone. As my phone was brought to life, Cameron texted me 14 times and called 12 times. I called him, for support in my time of agonizing pain. The phone rang and rang, I prayed that he would answer. 

"Hey, what the hell is wrong with you!" Cameron screamed at me. 

"I need you." I said just above a whisper.

"What about when i need you? You never fucking answer!" He hung up after that.

 I would've cried if i had any tears left inside of me, but there was nothing. I just curled up on the bathroom floor, staring at the tiles, feeling nothing but numb. No energy was in my body, I couldn't move an inch. I've never felt so tired and alone. I closed my eyes, hoping to drift off into a deep sleep. I laid with my eyes closed for what felt like hours. I looked at my phone and i was right, it has been hours. it's 2 am now. 

My mind suddenly burst full of unholy thoughts, "Killing yourself, would hurt less." "just do it, no one will miss you." "No one cares about you." I burrowed my head into my hands, I wanted to so bad. I found myself getting off of the bathroom floor, walking back to the kitchen. I didn't think about anything, i just grabbed a bunch of random pills. My hands shook as i put them to my lips, I wanted to take them but something was holding me back. But what? what was making me hold back? 

I decided to try to call Cameron back, The line rang and quickly sent me to voicemail. I hung up, not wanting him to hear how sad my voice must sound. I sighed at my phone and plopped onto my bed. I had no intention to sleep, just to wallow in my own self pity. Which is what i'm so good at. I laid my phone on my chest as my eyes eventually closed. My phone rang and i quickly picked it up, my breath caught in my throat as i seen Cameron's name on my phone. I answered hesitant. 

"H-Hi." I stuttered. 

"Hey, oh babe. i'm so sorry. I just got mad because we barely talk anymore and it really worries me. You know i love you." He said in a soft, calming voice.

A tear trickled down my face, hearing his voice. All i needed right now was all of the comfort he could give me. 

"Oh Cameron." my voice squeaked. He could definitely tell i was crying.

"May, what's wrong? please tell me. i'm here for you." He still had that soothing voice. 

I sniffled and took a deep breathe. I can do this, I can tell him. May you trust him right? He'll understand right? 

"Cameron I was raped last night." 

The line was so silent, i thought he hung up, i finally heard him breathing heavy and things rustling. After a while, he ended the call. 

This was it, THIS IS WHEN I REALIZED I FUCKED UP BY TELLING HIM. I didn't even call back, What if he told me this was too much for him to handle. i don't want to hear it. I couldn't handle anymore. 

7 am soon came around, i didn't get one minute of shut eye. My emotions still on the verge of going over the edge. I finally turned on the TV and went from channel to channel. I hoped that Grey's Anatomy was on. No luck, so i turned off the TV and headed to the shower. I stood in the shower, just letting the hot water run down my body. I got out and put on my Minions pajamas. 

I heard the doorbell ring and I ran to answer the door. When i opened the door i couldn't believe who i saw. My breathe was shallow and tears ran down my cheeks.