Fifty Shades: Submission and Strength

Chapter 27

Christian put his hand on Ana's jittery knee. Once it stopped bouncing, he laced his fingers with hers as they sat on the long, beige-and-maroon-striped couch facing Dr. Flynn. The carefree mood from earlier had dissipated and was replaced by the usual tension Ana felt at the prospect of baring her soul to a shrink.

"It'll be OK baby," he whispered, rubbing her knuckles with his thumb.

"I know this isn't your favorite place to be Ana," Flynn observed.

Ana snorted. No shit Sherlock!

"Sorry. It's no secret I hate coming to therapy. It ain't pretty excavating all the shit I've tried to bury for years," she said, her posture rigid.

"Do you ever regret coming here?" Flynn asked, mildly concerned.

"No I don't," she confessed. "I have to mentally drag myself kicking and screaming here most days, but after each session, I walk out more self-aware, having gained some kernel of truth that never really dawned on me before."

"Good," Flynn smiled, tapping on his notepad. "I'm glad to hear I'm earning my keep."

"And then some," Christian muttered, prompting a nudge from Ana to his ribs.

"On that note, I hear you've come to a decision about the revised contract."

"Yes. I don't want it." Ana gazed at Christian. "We don't need it."

Christian answered her with an ear-to-ear grin.

"I'm thrilled for you both. Do you want to discuss how you came to that conclusion?"

"It just struck me as pointless I suppose," Ana shrugged. "Before, they were an insurance policy, to protect myself from harm, but that's obviously not an issue with Christian."

"I'd never hurt you baby." He stroked her delicate jawline.

"I know," she smiled. "But with you, it became an insurance policy against losing you. In a bizarre way I thought it tied you to me — like you wouldn't leave me if we had this legal contract binding us, even though deep down I knew how silly that was."

"It's only silly because I'd never leave you regardless," he consoled her, leaning down to plant a kiss on her hair.

"It's taken a while for that to sink in — for any of this to sink in. Everything is so different. I feel like I'm starting my life over in a strange way. BDSM and contracts are all I've ever known. It's both exhilarating and terrifying to let them go."

"Ana, Christian, I know this is a difficult topic to discuss," Flynn said. "If you'd rather not talk about it, that's perfectly fine, although I've encouraged Anastasia to explore the factors that shaped her understanding of BDSM in order for her to come to terms with her past and move forward with her future."

"I want Ana to be honest. I need her to be," Christian said. "So we can have that future — together, as a couple."

"Me too."

"Good. In that case, while we're on the subject on contracts, let's start there since we've spent a good deal of time discussing them. Ana, do you want to explain to Christian why they were so important to you?" Flynn asked.

Ana inhaled and closed her eyes before refocusing them on the two men patiently watching her. "In a perverse sense, I felt like the contracts gave me power, but in truth, they robbed me of it. They turned me into someone else's property. They reduced me as a human being to a piece of paper. This notion that I as the submissive had any power was always a grand illusion. I was nothing more than a glorified sex slave. My Doms could beat me as long as it was within my 'defined limits,' but they still beat me for their pleasure. One even 'rented' me out to another Dom, like I was a piece of furniture." She snorted derisively, shaking her head before continuing her cathartic soliloquy.