If I Could Fly // c.t.h.

holly.

I woke up, completely confused momentarily with the memories of last night quite blurry. I blinked my eyes multiple times, the vision of Calum sweetly massaging my back hitting me in the face. I smiled, and turned on my side to see Calum laying down next to me - staring at me.

"That's not creepy at all," I giggled, moving a little closer to his body, although he didn't seem to notice yet.

"Sorry," he blushed, looking the other way quickly.

"I was kidding," I spoke softly, brushing his arm slowly up and down with my hand.

He turns back to me and smiles. He placed one hand the side of my face, rubbing the bit of my skin in circles with his thumb. He takes his other hand and intertwines it with my unoccupied hand, squeezing it tightly. It was quite the unusual position we were in, but we didn't care.

"What time is it?" I asked, starting to become dazed by his smooth touch.

Calum glanced at the digital clock on the bedside table before answering, "About three in the morning."

"Wow," I mumbled, knowing I should be sleeping but I wanted to stay up with Calum. "What are we doing later - since it is technically today."

"Don't know. Don't care."

I raised my eyebrow at him. "Don't you care about anything?"

"You."

"What?"

"I care about you."

Now it was my turn to blush. Before I could reply, Calum scoops me up in his arms and positions me on top of him, so I'm straddling. He brings his hand up and brushes the strands of hair that fell upon my face during the quick movement.

"You're beautiful," he hums, gripping my hips tightly.

"So are you," I say, staring at the complexion of this beautiful man.

"I can't believe anyone would ever want to break your heart," he mutters bitterly, his jaw clenching at the thought of my ex-boyfriend. "You're too pure for this world, princess."

We didn't say anything for a while after that; we just stared at each other until I made the first move and leaned down and kissed him. Now my legs are straddled around his waist and our chests are pressed against each other and I have him enticed in a passionate three in the morning kiss.

I can't possibly think of anywhere else I'd rather be except here.

-

I brushed one hand through the mess that is my hair and sighed. The boys were in a meeting right now, and I have no idea what time they'll be back. Calum left before I could wake up, leaving me to stare at myself - completely nude - in the mirror.

I like to do this a lot. I like to stare at the goddess that is my body and know that any standards of beauty do not exist. I like to believe that all my freckles and all my stretch marks and all my birthmarks and all the hair is what makes me me - which is beautiful. I like to trace the small natural bumps in my pale skin with the tips of my fingers and declare myself as sexy - although I don't wish to sexualize the act of body worshipping. I like to think that this is all normal, that this is the way I was made, that my beauty comes from other parts of beauty.

And then I think of my mother, and I nearly want to cry. But I don't, and I take a deep breath and continue to admire the strength of my body.

I trace the sharpness of my collarbones and then I trace the outline of my average sized breasts. My hand guides its way to the skin above my stomach and I smile brightly; I'm not the skinniest but you don't have to be a certain body size to be beautiful. All body sizes are beautiful.

I could've sworn I heard the door crack open and footsteps entering the room but I don't care to look; I shrug it off, thinking it's just my imagination.

But then I feel a hand on my shoulder and I look up, gasping. Calum's eyes widened at the sight of my bare body, and I immediately grab a blanket to cover myself. Not because I was ashamed of my body or anything.

"Uh... I'm sorry," Calum says, his face going red. Which confused me slightly, what with his past of all the women he's been with...

No, Holly, don't judge him by his past.

"It's okay," I tell him, quite awkwardly. "How did the meeting go?"

He shrugged. "Kinda boring. But I did learn that we're only staying here for two days, and tomorrow night we're going to a premiere."

"Oh! What movie?"

"I don't know. Some movie."

I rolled my eyes, internally wishing that he'd pay attention in those meetings.

"So..." Calum's eyes met mine. "What were you doing in here... naked?"

I rolled my eyes once again. "It's not what you think, doofus."

"Then what?"

"I was simply admiring my body in the mirror," I answered, knowing fully well that I didn't have to defend myself. "I do this all the time. It's not arrogant."

"Of course it's not arrogant," he shakes his head. "It's beautiful. I admire that."

"You do?"

He bends down and kisses my forehead. "Yeah. I love your confidence."

I smiled. Something has definitely changed between us.

-

"Boys, boys! Over here!"

Cameras were flashing all around me, left and right. Interviewers were desperate to speak with the well-known 5 Seconds of Summer, and the paparazzi were eager to snap a picture.

"Stay close to me," Calum whispers to me, gripping my hand tightly.

I hear a few people scream my name, which kind of took me by surprise. I was a regular person, not some sort of huge celebrity. I definitely won't be getting used to this anytime soon.

I looked around; it was marvelous to watch celebrities all around me, interacting with each other like they just ran into each other at the grocery store. But they're normal people, that's what I realized. They are normal people who have normal conversations.

Still, I couldn't help but squeal lightly at the sight of the Harry Potter cast. Calum rolls his eyes at my excitement, but I could tell he was smiling with amusement.

"I didn't want to take you, just so you know," he tells me.

"Why?" I asked.

"It felt like I was showing you off... I don't know, as some sort of trophy or gold medal," he shrugs. "You're not an object. In my eyes, you're human."

I squeeze his hand in gratitude. "You know what, Calum?"

"What?"

I looked into his dark brown eyes that held so much truth yet so much mystery, and said, "In my eyes, you are too."

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I HAVENT UPDATED IN SO LONG IM SORRY