Linger

T H I R T Y - F O U R

"So, has anyone else asked you to the formal yet?" Chelsea's voice came through the speaker of my phone.

I sighed as I shifted around on my bed. It was Sunday evening and what was at first just a phone call with Chelsea about the English essay due tomorrow, turned quickly into a full out discussion about the latest updates of the winter formal.

"No, it's not like I want to go anyway." I huffed.

And it was the truth. Although I had a stunning dress, I just saw no point in going to the formal, especially now that I didn't have a date. I just felt tired of it all. Tired of all the talk about the formal and who's going with who and wearing what. I just wanted it to be over. I didn't know exactly why, it just felt like once all this formal stuff was over maybe things might start looking up, because right now I've had enough.

I was tired of feeling like I had to be a part of something I didn't want. For once, I just wanted something that I genuinely enjoyed. As selfish as that sounds, I simply strived for something that I truly desired with my heart and soul.

I did have dance for now, which was nice, but it was linked to the winter formal that had already caused too many headaches for me and once that performance is done, that would be the end of it anyway.

"I still really want to see your dress." Chelsea's voice brought me out of my thoughts.

I looked over at the white cardboard box, in the corner of my room by the closet, that contained the gorgeous two piece gown Jade had customized for me.

"We'll see each other's dresses on the day of." I reasoned with her.

"Hmmm...so that means you're going?!" I could hear her excitement through the phone.

"I've got no choice, do I?" I said dryly.

"Cheer up, girl! You could hang with Alice and I for the night. We'll take turns being each other's dates."

"You know, Alice and you have been my dream dates for the longest time." I joked.

"Well, you're in luck!"

"Can't wait." I let out a small chuckle. "You don't know how long I've been looking forward to this moment, Chels."

Her laughter rang through the phone line. "Y'know, for someone who just broke up with the hottest guy in school, you don't seem that devastated."

"That's because he's also the scummiest guy in school." I said flatly.

There was a small pause before she said, "True, but you seemed so much more crushed over that, like, fling you had with Mr. Whatever-his-name-is than this."

I stayed silent upon hearing her words, my eyes shifting to the window outside where the dark night had fallen. A small tug on my heart at the mention of Mr. Hayden and I together.

"Right? I mean, you said whatever you guys had wasn't even for that long, but you and Tom were starting to seem pretty serious. You were with him for weeks."

She had a point, but instead of responding I simply traced the outline of my bedding pattern with my finger. Throughout my entire time with Tom and even after, it was Mr Hayden that wouldn't leave my mind. It has always been him.