Linger

S I X T Y - S E V E N

"You hardly ate at dinner. Did you like the food? I could make you something."

My heart clenched at Daniel's kindness as he held his apartment door open and I walked in. 

I shook my head in response and he closed the door behind us. 

"The playground was a great idea," he said with a smile, turning to me. "Jade said Bennie and Jenny had a blast! They haven't stopped talking about it." 

I forced a small smile as I awkwardly made my way to the living room, unsure what to do. Although the dinner had ended, guilt hadn't stop eating away at me since my conversation with Sasha. Even while dropping Katie off at home, the only thing I could focus on was how everything was going to fall apart for Daniel. And it was all because of me.

Sasha was right. If he wasn't with me, he wouldn't have to go through all this trouble. 

But he was. 

Because of me. 

"This was stupid, wasn't it?" I dropped my bag on the couch and turned to Daniel. 

He looked up at me, confused. "What?"

Regret immediately sunk in as I realized the harsh way I broke the silence. 

"This." I waved my hands around aimlessly. "Us."

 His expression fell. "''Stupid?"

I huffed, pushing my hand through my hair. "I mean, how did we ever think it was going to work?"

"Madison--"

"Did we really think we could get away with it?"

"What--"

"They know about us, Daniel." I snapped my gaze up to look at him. "Principal Blakely knows about us. He knows you're involved with a student. Sasha told him. That's what cause the whole fight." 

He took in a deep breath before slowly nodding his head. "Is that why you didn't eat?"

I chewed on the inside of my cheek. 

"Is that why you didn't want to come here and go out instead? Just to avoid talking about any of this?"

I sighed, panic rushing through me, making it impossible to stand in one place. He knew me far too well. "I don't want you to get in trouble!" I cried, hot tears pricking my eyes. "You could lose your job, Daniel! And that's important!! That's way more important than this. I can't believe I didn't see that before!"  

"What?"

"I should've known being together was dangerous." I began to pace around the living room. "I should've listened the first time you told me we had to stop. But I didn't. And now--" I choked back a sob. "And it's all because I didn't care. It's not that I didn't know it was dangerous. It's that I didn't care that it was. And that's worse."

His eyebrows furrowed as he looked at me. "Madison--"

"What if--" I took in a shaky breath, my vision blurred as I glancing around the quiet apartment. "Maybe I'm not in love like I think I am."

"Why--?"

I lifted my eyes to his. "If I was in love, wouldn't I care about you? Wouldn't I care about your job? I wouldn't do anything to put you or your job at risk." I shook my head, swallowing the lump rising in my throat. "I shouldn't. But I did." 

Silence echoed in his apartment as he looked at me. But it was too much. I fiddled with my necklace, shifting my eyes to the wall, the guitar in the corner, the table, the floor -- anywhere to not face the hurt drowning his brown eyes.