Linger

S I X T Y - E I G H T

"Where is Sasha Ellis?"

"Yeah, where is she, Williams?" one of the jocks jeered.

"Shut up." Ben scoffed at him, rolling his eyes before looking up at Da--Mr. Hayden. "She's not here today."

"Thank you, Benjamin." Mr. Hayden nodded.  "Do you know when she'll be back?"

"Uh, you know . . ." He shrugged. "Whenever it's over, I guess."

"Whenever what's over?"

Ben tapped his pencil against his book as his eyes darted around before he shrugged again. ". . . The suspension."

Daniel paused. "Oh." His eyes briefly met mine. 

I averted my gaze to my work before my heart could get carried away. It was only our first day back after Daniel and I had decided to pause on Friday. Burying my head in homework kept me occupied the rest of the weekend, but now? 

It was only first period study hall and it was embarrassing how much my heart longed for him. 

The first time we split up, he was so cold and distant. Even though my feelings for him still lingered, there was so much to hold against him then. It was easy to be mad at him, making it almost too easy to avoid him. 

Now, I couldn't think of a single thing he did wrong. And that's what hurt the most. How was I supposed to avoid him when there was no actual reason to avoid him? I didn't want to avoid him. On the contrary, every fiber of my being was completely captivated by him. I hadn't realized how deep in love I was with him until the ache in my heart settled when I walked past him this morning without a glance. 

All weekend I convinced myself that this pause was fine. It'd be good to take a break. With finals, the senior project, and graduation coming up, there'd hardly be time for anything else anyway. It was almost motivating. Keeping my distance from him wouldn't be a problem. 

But now, being in the same room as him changed everything. Seeing him. Hearing his voice. Locking gazes. Knowing what we once had but we couldn't have it anymore and neither of us was to blame. The pain was unbearable. Every second of sitting in here was torture.

"Wait. Sasha got suspended?!" Kelsey's voice broke me out of my thoughts. She glanced around our table, raising her eyebrows. "Like, for real?"

I simply shrugged, returning to my work. 

Sophia suddenly gasped from her seat next to Kelsey. "Oh my gosh. Was she really messing around with Hayden?? Is that why she got suspended??"

I gave her a look.

"He still has his job," Chelsea pointed out cleverly. 

"Wait." Kelsey straightened up in her seat and leaned toward us, lowering her voice. "Does Mr. Schottenberg still have his job?"

I groaned, burying my head in my hands. 

"Of course he does!" Chelsea replied. "Why wouldn't he?"

"Didn't she say she was hooking up with--"

"Please don't tell me you actually believed her." I sighed looking over at Kelsey and Brooke. 

They simply blinked at me. 

"It was a joke." 

Kelsey knitted her eyebrows. "She didn't . . . She didn't mean it?"

I gawked at her. "What? No! Just like how you've been joking about hooking up with Hayden, she was joking about Schottenheimer."

"Schottenberg," Chelsea corrected.

"Whatever." I waved my hand in dismissal.

Kelsey shifted her eyes from Chelsea to me. "I wasn't . . . joking," she admitted slowly.