Linger

T H I R T Y - S I X

I'm loving the pain

I never wanna live without it

So why do I try

You drive me insane

Now we're screaming just to see who's louder

So why do I try

You got me like na-na-na-na na-na-na

Na-na-na-na na-na-na

Na-na-na-na na-na-na

Na-na-na-na na-na-na

"...it's just senior check-ins. No big deal, man."

Oh no.

My senior check-in was today.

I quickly pressed pause on my phone, silencing Ariana Grande's voice and removed the earbuds from my ears. I turned to Tyler next to me who was talking to another guy in our grade.

We were in the library doing a bit of studying before school. Kinda nerdy, I know. But we actually cared about our grades and the teachers seemed to be extra generous in giving out tests and quizzes this week.

Once it was just Tyler and I again at the table, I asked Tyler how his senior check-in went, so I had somewhat of an idea of what to expect with my meeting with Mr. Hayden this afternoon during my free period.

"Hold on, let me see if I can remember." Tyler made a face as he scratched his head.

I playfully rolled my eyes at his dramatic antics. "You just told that guy that you had it yesterday."

"I know, but I am a busy man." He said proudly, earning an eyebrow raise from me.

"Alright, so if I could recall correctly -"

"Because your memory is that bad." I joked.

"Silence." He shot back. "It all went pretty well actually." His gaze averted to the bookshelf in front of us. "Considering how rocky my grades have been this year, he said if I could keep them average for the next semester, there's a chance I'd go to community college." He turned to me with a smile.

"No way?! That's great, Ty!" I exclaimed, smiling at him.

"Yeah," he nodded. "So if it went alright for me and my messy grades, then your check-in shouldn't be a problem with the kind of grades you get."

If only it was that easy. I fixed my gaze on my notebook in front of me. "Heh. Yeah, thanks." I said quietly.

My grades were the least of my worries. And I was thankful for my hard work always helping me get the best grades I could. But that was the easy part. What I really was concerned about was what came after that. The future. College. Choosing what you want to do with the rest of your life. The talk about the future, which made me want to scurry under the table at the thought.

I hadn't paid much attention to when all these different universities came to speak at our school last year. College seemed like a whole other lifetime away. But now, it seemed so close it was frightening. More so for the reason that I had no clue what I wanted.

The fact that Mr Hayden was our senior counselor didn't help much either. He always seemed to have some kind of effect on me and now combined with the pressure of college and the future, I wasn't sure what to expect out of this meeting.

Tyler said it went well for him, & of course it would. Why wouldn't it? He's got decent grades and probably has a better idea of what he wants for the future than I do. Nor did he have a complicated history with Mr. Hayden like I did.