NF 2 [COMPLETED]

Monday, December 5 2016

It's like 12:55 a.m.
I don't even know if I'm going to school or not.
But I need to. Because this past weekend I have been just slow. Stay in my room all day. I haven't went outside in 2 weeks now. I have been eating a lot. But the thing is I keep thinking like I got something to do.

Visions and memories between me and j**h keeps coming.

I find myself thinking:

Why we couldn't just be? Why can't I stop thinking about him? Will I find someone like that again? Mann I blew it. My only chance to happiness. I just want love so bad. I feel hopeless. I feel sad. I feel hurt. Like everyone I had bailed on me. Like I'm stuck on this road.

For first time I feel depressed. I'm trying so hard to hide it tho. I even feel like there's no use to keep going because I couldn't get what I always wanted.

Wishing there's something else for me. That I'm gonna move on from this.

I wasted two whole fucking years. Waiting for a chance with him. Hell if I knew this I could've avoided even liking him. I'm so fed up with this shidd. But I gotta keep going. Because if I stay this depressed it will be dangerous for me.

Every song, movie, text, snap, just happens to have something that reminds me of him.

But yet I still reminisce on the last words he ever said to me.

I feel like I have to hate him.

By why he's not even mine.

On that note. TBH I hope him and his girlfriend have a good life. I hope she could be everything I was tryna be for him.

Him'' the wrong person!

Someone's who immature and can't uphold to his own heart. Who is scared and not bold.

But I have learned a valuable lesson in the end.

' Don't ever hide what you want. Don't be afraid of anything. Don't misunderstood the unexpected.'

But I'm going to continue to love. 💚

😞. P.S I really loved him.