Patrick Stump and the Flying Car Brigade

Chapter 57

Chapter 57

Enoby scowled at me, but she climbed out of her coffin and followed Pete and I into the Great Hall, where the rest of the Flying Car Brigade was waiting. We then exited the building and Tyler led us into the forest. When we got to the flying car, all seven of us got into the car. Enoby was wearing a black leather shirt and a tiny matching miniskirt that said "Simple Plan" on the butt. Yet again, I wondered how Professor McGonagall hadn't punished her for this yet. The rest of us were wearing Hogwarts robes.

"Stop being a mediocre dunce," Enoby said as she climbed into the seat next to mine.

"Let's all just be nice to each other for once," Tyler suggested. He hit the gas and the car lurched into the air. "Josh, can you tell me which direction France is in?"

Josh took out his wand. "Point me," he said. His wand spun until it was facing the mountains in the distance. "That's north, so drive in the opposite direction."

Tyler turned the car around, and then promptly turned on the car radio. "Sometimes, quiet is violent," he commented.

Enoby was strangely silent. "Are you okay?" I asked.

"I'm sending a telepathic message to Darko so he can destruct Snap," she said.

"Severus Snape has been dead since the end of the Second Wizarding War," Andy said. "Also, who's Darko?"

"He's Darko!" Enoby exclaimed. "He's my boyfriend!"

I didn't even bother to think about how Enoby had a boyfriend. I presumed that he was imaginary. She was only twelve, after all. When I was that age, my boyfriend was imaginary, although he did bear a strong resemblance to Pete. Thankfully, Pete was my real boyfriend now.

Instead of explaining herself, Enoby decided to change the subject. "I'm going to miss my Herlology class," Enoby complained.

"Don't you mean Herbology?" Joe said. "Herlology isn't a class."

"No, I mean Herlology," Enoby said. "It's my favourite class because Dracola teaches it. Dracola used to be called Navel, but it turned out that he was kidnapped at birth and his real family were vampires. They dyed in a car crash."

"I don't even know where to start with that," Joe said.

"Then, Navel converted to Stalinism!" Enoby shouted.

"Stalin?" Andy said. "He's a Muggle dictator, and I don't think that Professor Longbottom ever converted to Stalinism."

"Rid my sight, you despicable preps!" Enoby screamed.

By this point, I was simply staring out the window. I couldn't ignore Enoby's ridiculous statements, but Pete did help me. He held my hand all throughout the ride, and that reminded me that all I wanted was a lifetime of laughter with him.

"Gay guys are so hot!" Enoby said when she noticed Pete and I. "Speaking of hot gay guys, Dacro and Hairy should get together, because that would be so shmexy. If they don't, then JKR is hamophobic!"

"Why are you talking about the famous wizarding historian J.K. Rowling?" Josh asked. "I loved the Muggle versions of her books even before I went to Hogwarts, but I don't know what you're talking about."

All of our attempts to bring reason to Enoby's ideas were futile. Enoby was clearly as mad as rabbits, and we couldn't change that.

As we flew across the English Channel, Tyler wiped tears of frustration away from his eyes. "Gangsters don't cry, therefore I'm Mr Misty Eyed," he stated.

"Tyler, you're not a gangster," Josh said.

"I only keep myself this sick in the head because I know how the words get you," Enoby said.

"Did she just quote me?!" Pete shouted.

"I think she did," I replied. "It means that you're getting more popular."

After several more hours of Enoby's insanity, we finally approached Enoby's uncle's home in France. Tyler landed the flying car next to his house, and all of us made room for Enoby to get out.

"OMG!" Enoby screamed. "I just time travelled to the 80s in the DeLorean!" After all of us looked at her strangely, she decided to explain herself. "You're Morti McFli!" she said, pointing at Tyler, "and you're Vlodemort!" She waved to Pete and said, "Hi Tom Satan Bombadil! You should hook up with Hedwig!"

"Which one of us is supposed to be Hedwig?" Joe whispered to me, but Enoby heard him.

"The hot bi guy, obviously!" Enoby exclaimed, pointing to me, despite the fact that I wasn't even bisexual.

Tyler groaned and told Enoby to enter her uncle's house so we could leave. Thankfully, Enoby listened to him. The six of us got back into the flying car and went back to Hogwarts. The ride back was fairly uneventful, but it was a nice break after all of the insanity that had occurred on the way there. All of us could only hope that Enoby Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way would be gone for good and that she would stay safe at her uncle's home in France. The Way family did not need any more tragedy.