I am not an atheist. May kakilala akong atheist. Tapos natanong ko siya kung bakit siya atheist. Naisip ko offensive yung tanong pero hindi naman daw. Binigay niya sakin yung essay niya. Kaya naisip ko, lahat ng bagay sa mundo may dahilan. May hindi katanggap tanggap pero wala parin tayong karapatang manghusga.
Wala tayong karapatan mambintang. I mean, naniniwala ako kay God. Hindi sa kinukunsinte ko siya. Pero kasi diba may mga pangyayare naman talaga sa buhay ng tao na nagtutulak sa kanyang gawin ang mga bagay bagay? So here it goes.
PS. I'm a believer. I serve God. I believe in God. And I have trust in Him. I worship Him. Thank you.
Why Am I an Atheist?
By
Jean
It was a sophisticated night, and I was feeling nostalgia. My mind was in search for something new, something that would catch my drowsy eyes. I was scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed when a friend of mine posted some sort of essay about Philosophy. I really admired that guy, though. He's open-minded, at the same time, he's very analytical and systematic in the way he thinks, has confidence in his own reasoning skills, is inherently inquisitive or curious and very cognitively mature. He's also careful about making or suspending judgments. He's also scientific in the way he explores the natural world, and he also thinks critically when presented with information. Last, he's not afraid of asking questions.
"Does God exist?" he asked me.
"Does God exist?" It was a question that disturbed me, scared me even. A question that gave me so much confusion that could make my brain explodes into tiny pieces, like Big Bang! I was about to answer that question and I thought I was going to make the biggest equation in my life that no Mathematical or Scientific theorem can ever explain. Seriously, that time, I know one thing for sure: I have no idea if God does exist.
So, to satisfy the questions and blanks that kept wriggling through my mind, I yearned for truth. I rigorously searched for the historical evidences for Jesus and the arguments for and against God's existence. Let me share you something that discouraged me and is one of the factors that has stopped me from believing in a God.
God has been defined in the Bible as "omnipotent (having unlimited power), omniscient (knowing everything), omnipresence (he's everywhere), perfect and all-loving God". The thing that bothers me most about the description of God in the Bible is that his ways are more of a sinful human nature; it claims to be he is without. We can compare this inconsistency to a person going so far into his lie that he forgot that he was contradicting his earlier statements by stating his newer ones.
He can't live without praise (greed/gluttony), is jealous when you do things that does not concern him (envy), will send you to hell if you disagree with him (wrath) encourages the objectification of women (lust), does not do anything even though he's a god and just says go punish Africa (sloth), and cannot forgive you unless he sends his son down to have him killed, technically signifying you somehow owe him something (pride).
As you can see, I firmly believed that people tend to think in a biased way under the ambiguous idea of a "God" in the Bible. Making claims about God as being omnipotent, omnipresence, omniscient, perfect and all-loving God is somehow illogical. What if God was the universe of the laws of Physics itself? What if God started out as a universal energy that created the universe and we are the thinking product of it? What if God is not the God that we depicted from the Bible and is not concerned to humanity?
After yearning for truth, I went to church. I felt a sudden pinch in my heart that time and a tremble in my knees as I entered the churchyard. I felt like my heart could jump off my chest anytime. I was still tensed and still confused about God. I felt like I had lost everything that mattered to me.
Later, I realized that I had only lost something that never existed in the first place. In fact, I was now free to discover what really existed, and how the world I found myself really work. I held on to my passion to know what can be known and ignore everything that cannot.
I'll never forget that day, the deciding moment when I had to admit I couldn't believe in my imaginations anymore, all the beliefs I've held tight for so long, and that was indubitably the saddest and hardest time of my life. Right then, I felt like I had lost everything that mattered to me. Not just my beliefs but the people who catered around me for them. Only now though, can I say, that it was actually the best day of my life - for all the things I've gained in my loss. It was definitely worth it.
Apparently, I see more meaning in my life now when I treat it as the only one I have, rather than inventing some magical being and imagine a paradise life after this one to live for. But hey, I get that's just me, I'm an atheist, a person who doesn't believe in the existence of a God.
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Hindi ko alam kung dapat ko bang ilagay ang pangalan niya. Kasi madaming manghuhusga sa mundo. Hindi ko naman sinasabing tama siya pero mali rin namang manghusga at magsalita laban sa kapwa diba? Tsaka darating din naman siguro sa puntong maniniwala siya(?) Malay natin.
120916. Merry Christmas!
052617
She's still an Atheist. And I still believe she'll get there. Shell be born again.
