These are all what Nick knew theae days when it came to his lover. He didn't understand what the hell went wrong, and how their love ended up like this. They weren't supposed to be calling each other up to argue or fight, they were supposed to be calling to exchange I love yous.
But they haven't felt any love from one another in weeks.
Lately, all they've been doing was fighting and Nick knew it stemmed from his insecurities and his jealousy. He truly couldn't help it, he just loved her too much that he didn't want to lose her.
It was ironic, really, that he's gonna end up losing her just because he feared losing her the most.
Nick knew that it was almost time for Meg to let him go, she might not have said it to him directly - at least not yet, but he knew. He knew that she couldn't stand being with him anymore, and she was way past her breaking point now. And he himself couldn't handle the pain he's inflicted to himself, and to her, most of all.
Since he hasn't been spending much time with her lately because they were usually mad at one another whenever they had the chance to talk, he's managed to get a lot of free time to himself. And he's done a lot of thinking during this free time.
Maybe... maybe it was time for him to let her go.
He loved her, he loved her so much that he'd do absolutely anything for her, but he knew that she was being suffocated by his jealousy, his pride and his fears. She was taking all of the pain he's inflicted upon her, and he absolutely hated seeing her like that. With tears running down her cheeks as she looked upon him with pain in her dark eyes. That's the image that has haunted him every damn day, and that's how she always looked like whenever he saw her.
With all the thinking he's done these past few weeks, he's realized that what was stronger than his fear of losing her was the pain of seeing her so broken and vulnerable. And he was the cause of her pain and her suffering.
He couldn't keep doing this to her, their relationship has grown so destructive that it shouldn't even be considered a relationship anymore. He knew that it would hurt like hell letting the love of his life go, but if it meant that she'll be relieved of all the pain he's dealt to her, then maybe it won't be so bad after all.
He's only ever thought of himself in this relationship. He only thought of his selfish desire to keep her his, he never even bothered to stop and think that what he's doing and saying was hurting her. And he never wanted to hurt her ever. But that's all he's ever done lately.
