Once Upon A Lone Heart | ✔

Dec 9th, 2016

A/n: this is a log or something like that lol so it's safe to skip if you want to. ^^

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How does death affect you? No, actually, how does losing something/someone affect you?

The difference is that, death is for the living, lost is for everything.

Of course, death is cruel. But so is losing. When you lost something, it doesn't mean it won't come back. When you lost someone, it doesn't mean they will come back. All in all, lost gives you something death cannot- hope.

And when you lost something, it doesn't matter what its worth, it doesn't matter who they are. But if they play an important role in your life, if it is a life you love the most,

But the death of my cat- yes, a cat who brought happiness and light with his presence, who probably didn't remember me much but one of those who I loved the most, who I had to give up but never left my heart- was a loss. In fact, isn't every death a loss? If death doesn't bring hope, why do we call it a loss?

Maybe we hope that death didn't have to have a battle with those we loved- those who lived. Maybe we hope it didn't have to be the day it happened. Maybe we hope it was when we were ready, when we were strong enough to take it, when they were one thing that didn't matter anymore. Maybe we hope the loss would never have to happen.

But it has to happen. It had to happen. The light of my life, the joy to my family, the one who we always remembered and will always now, had to go. It was too late to save him. There was not much option to choose from but to let go.

Time is cruel. At times when we lose someone or something, time is the cruelest. But time was what that brought him to me. If time hadn't existed then, he wouldn't have been here, and I wouldn't have met him. If time hadn't existed, I wouldn't have been counting the amount of days loving him. If time hadn't existed, there would never be us or love or both.

But I will always remember the time when he had to suffer a disease and having to not know how to tell anyone about the pain he was feeling. I will always remember the time he got bored of the bed and rolled down on the floor seeking for our attentions. I will always remember the time he wanted to eat but he couldn't because undigested food could not be egested off his bladder. I will always remember the time he left scratch marks on my arms and I never regretted him. I will always remember the time whispering encouragement into his ears- screaming in my heart- in human language and him dying in my very arms the moment we got into the car after taking him to the vet.

He could've been 3 years old in about a month. It would be his first death anniversary in exactly a year from now. He could've been well and alive, lazily lying on the bed or the floor, and then I would see his eyes shone when he smelled food. It would be a waste to keep whatever he had to leave.

I just hoped that he had a good time before his dying moments. I just hoped he didn't suffer much the past few days. I just hoped he knew we all loved him in our human way.

How does/did losing someone or something affect you?