Welcome to Paradise // Billie Joe Armstrong // #Wattys2017

Angel Blue

Billie's pov

I study the ring in my hands, twisting and turning it over and over again. In the shining gold, my own, distressed reflection stares back at me. I can't bear to look at it, so I put the thing back in my pocket, a deep sigh escaping my nostrils. I left out a big part of the story.

I'm wrong for doing so, I'm very well aware of it, but telling Aileen what really happened that night before we parted ways will scare her away forever. She knows I'm not the perfect savior everyone imagines me to be, but for her to think I'm a psychopathic murderer is pain on a scale larger than anything I've ever had to drag my pathetic ass through.

Even though I had no intentions of doing so, and my actions were very well justified, I did what I did and won't ever be able to turn back time. The past for me has always been a compass to guide me through the future; to look back at what I did in order to ensure myself of doing the right thing in the present.

However, right now I'd rather find a way to black out every bit of information I've gathered about all that has happened the past two months. Black out everything I've learned about my black-out. "Oh the fucking irony" I mumble harshly, dragging Aileen's attention.

"You said something?" she asks carefully, her eyebrows raised into an expression of concern. She's always so careful when she says something. All words escaping her mouth are loathed with an echo of insecurity. It's an adorable trait, but it makes me wondering what caused her to be so careful.

"No, I was just- it's nothing" I reply, taking my eyes off of her. It feels so wrong to lie to her, as if I'm leaving eternal scars on her already so damaged soul. She's more fucked-up than she'll ever admit, I'm afraid. And I'm only contributing to fucking her up even more.

Aileen looks at me suspiciously, the distrust visible in her eyes. I send her a little smile, trying to cover up my lie. "Oh, okay" she grins shyly.

I wish we could just take off and leave all of this behind, fix up a car and drive to god knows where, because time and place don't matter anymore anyways in the world we've ended up in. It's only that there's one person for who those two things do matter.

Adrienne. And without her, I'm not taking a car in any direction but hers.

This whole apocalypse has been a pile-up of misfortunate events that I've all been able to prevent if I just wouldn't've acted like the self-centered asshole I am. Mike would've still been alive and... it would never have happened. If I don't act adequate in the situation I'm in, I'll lose Aileen just like I lost everyone else.

I get up from the stained bedsheet I've been sitting on since the moment we arrived here in the library and aimlessly walk past the bookshelves, hoping to be able to clear my mind a little. There are two solutions to the situation I'm in and none of them have good consequences.

I can tell Aileen what happened, but then she'll get afraid of me and take off. I can decide not to tell her, but then we can't continue our search and will never find Adrienne. "fuck!" I yell, kicking my foot aggressively against the bookshelf, resting my head amongst all the covers. The smell of blood is unambiguously present, but I try too hard to control my anger to notice any of it.

"Billie, damn, what's going on? You've been acting really strange today" Aileen remarks, putting down her book and walking towards me. "Are you okay?" she asks placing her hand on my shoulder lightly.

"It's nothing, Aileen. I promise" I say, taking her hand off my shoulder and holding it in my own. She stares into my eyes deeply, which makes me even more guilty of lying to her. I'm never going to keep this up and Aileen isn't buying any of it either, I can tell from the look on her face.

"If you keep lying to me, there's no way I'm ever going to be able to help you. I hope you realize that" she says, letting go of my hands and walking away from me. I open my mouth to say something, but no words come out. I place my head in the palms of my hands in distress, trying to figure out what to do.

"Aileen I- " I sigh, looking back up "fine" I give in. A relieved expression is visible on Aileen's face "Whatever it is, I promise I won't get mad" she assures me.

you'll think real differently of that real soon, I think to myself as I walk over to Aileen.

I take a seat next to her and carefully place my hand on hers, squeezing it lightly. The look on Aileen's face grows more puzzling as I take the ring out of my pocket. "I had a new vision yesterday..." I stop mid-sentence, still unsure whether to tell Aileen the truth or not. I receive a confirming look, directing me to continue.

"I remembered it as soon as my eyes fell on the wedding ring Adrienne had left behind"

A/N: lmao I'm such a pretentious fucking poet x"D I truly hope you're all enjoying this , because it's almost over :c                                                                                                                             ALSO: this story hit 2K yesterday <3 <3                                                                                                               Rate, comment and I'll see you in the next chapter.

-xxx Nina