Welcome to Paradise // Billie Joe Armstrong // #Wattys2017

At the library

"Why were we put on this earth?"

I turn my head to face Billie, who is still staring into empty air. "I mean, all organisms do is kill. Kill in order to survive" he continues.

"People are always looking for a meaning behind all of this, but there really is none. I'd like to think we were put here by accident, but... too difficult for them to accept, I guess. So that's when they start making up higher powers like God. And then with the excuse of that God, they reject every being that doesn't submit to it."

"And you didn't kill Tre" I add. Billie looks at me now, smiling softly. "I wasn't referring to Tre" he sighs.

"But you were thinking about it"

"Yeah" he nods, smiling a little. "It sucks that we're here though. Just being thrown onto a vast mass of chaos and despair like it's nothing. We could've at least gotten a reason for it".

I shrug. "Maybe it's because none of this is actually happening. Maybe all that I see – or actually think to see – is nothing but a figment of my imagination".

I've dragged his attention again as Billie studies my face quizzically. "What do you mean by that?" he asks. His eyes are squinted a bit and a frown is present on his face as he awaits my reply. "it's this philosophic theory called solipsism that states that the entire universe and everything within it only exists in our minds" I sigh. "It would explain lots".

"I'm assuming that doesn't mean I can revive Mike and Tre if I just wish for it, does it?" Billie asks, the corner of his lips rising into a little, innocent smile. I nod my head slowly "unfortunately not, no. but we don't know if Tre is really dead. When you left him he was still breathing, right?"

"Yeah" Billie shakes his head a little and sighs. "but he was so fucked up and there were some walkers in the area. He didn't stand a chance". His voice cracks up by the last word he says and I can feel how he's trying so hard to fight against his tears. "Please don't think I'm a murderer" he suddenly says, looking at me with the saddest expression visible on his face.

"The situation we're in makes us do crazy things. We're not in a holy place anymore. This is hell, and so are our actions" I reply as I wrap my arms around Billie's neck, burying my head deeply into his shoulders. He holds me tightly around my waist and rests his head against mine. "We can't turn back time. Pitying what you did is not going to help you further with finding Adrienne" I continue, the words sounding muffled away in Billie's shirt. I can feel him smile, I smile too.

"I wouldn't've been anywhere near sane if it weren't for you, Aileen. I really wouldn't've" he says as he let's go of me. I smile as I look away shyly. "I... I do what I can" I reply. He laughs at this. "Just take the compliment you stubborn thing".

We both laugh and he kisses me softly. I love the warm feeling of his lips against mine, but I can't help to feel a bit guilty. After all, his wife is still around somewhere. I pull him off of me after a short while.

"Is it really okay for us to be doing this?" I ask carefully. "It's fine" he nods a little and gives me a quick wink, making me blush. I let my head rest against his shoulder and we both stare into the emptiness together for a short while.

"If you get bit by a walker, how long does it take for you to turn?" Billie suddenly says, breaking the silence between us. "Uh, well, first the person gets this terrible fever. After about a couple of hours they die and then it's just a matter of minutes before they turn." I explain.

"What if they die from a natural death?"

"Same thing, but without the fever". I look at Billie now, pondering where he's getting at. "Why?" I ask.