Similar Yearnings

Ch. 25

The holidays were fast approaching, but things were not all well and good between Jake and his group. Consumed by fear and the unknown predictions of the future he could not bring himself to be too close or too far, but the world he used to know cannot be reached so easily anymore. Anger destroys him, fear swallows him whole, and yet his love for everyone, his yearning, his will that wants to be with everyone in his new found family was tearing his heart apart. What he wasn't realizing was that he was also tearing apart his own relationships. Which is something he never wanted to do, but if it was to protect them then he would continue to distance himself. While everyone was busy getting ready for the holidays and decorating the the Lalonde household, Jake decides to sit in is room in the base below the house where he would often spend his time in order to be alone. 

He sits on his bed with his legs up against his chest and his back pressed to the wall. He had no idea what to do. He couldn't let go of his thoughts that were just consuming him from the inside out. 

"What do i do.....? Grandma....please...tell me..i don't know what to do...i'm scared...i don't want to hurt anyone, i don't want to do what i'm doing but there's no other way..." he whispers to himself as his voice quivers. He chokes a bit and starts crying. "How c..can i just leave things as they are and act normal and fine when nothing is fine....!" he cries. 

Out in the main hall with the monitors, Dirk helps with Roxy in decorating the walls with lights and bows, but just because he was helping out with spreading Christmas cheer didn't mean he was feeling it. He sighed as he lifted the lights up to the ceiling and hanging them over small hooks.

"Dirk...Jake is distancing himself even more now....what should we do for the guy..?"

"I don't know Rox...he's trapped in his own world of fear and desperation....i don't know what to say to him....i'm at a loss....i'm only scared of it getting worse and him falling into a depression."

"Dirky...hmm i got an idea, for now can you go ahead and talk to him?"

"I can only try again and again Roxy..."

"Go ahead and do it Dirk..you're the only one who can get through to him each time..he only listens to you...and even Jade is terrified by it..."

"I know i know...." he sighs and steps down as he finishes the lights. "I'll go ahead and try again...."

"Good wish ya the best of luck dirky. Save the little jakey,"

"Hmph..yeah.." he walks out the room and into the hallway as he makes it down to Jake's room. He prepares to knock, but pauses as he hears Jake's words of sorrow.

"I can't take this anymore....i can't take it..I should have never left my island..! I would have been free from all this....free....and alone....." he cries. "I hate being alone...but i want loneliness more than anything.....how can i feel so bloody confused like this grandma....why did you put me to be next to fill your spot?! Why was i chosen?!.." he shouts in between his sobs. "I know what i'm doing is wrong...and gog i wish i could stop being a coward...I'm horrible...i'm so stubborn and yet...so cowardly that i run from everything....and avoid my family...and the one i love....who doesn't deserve the treatment i have been giving him....." he sniffles and removes his glasses just as he notices one his blades by the bed. He stares at it until it's within his grasps. He holds it tightly and sniffles. "Would it.....be best....if i was..gone...?" he whispers as he holds the blade and makes a light cut over his arm. 

Outside the door, Dirk frowns and trembles as he hears Jake's words, but then his eyes widen by the scent of blood. He kicks the door down and see Jake with the blade being held over his wrist.

"Jake!" he runs over and throws the blade aside. He pulls Jake into his arms and holds him tightly in tears. "D.don't.....just don't do it Jake please.....!" he begs. Jake whimpers closing his eyes, as he feels Dirk's tears roll onto his shoulders.

"Dirk..."

"Jake..please..i'm sorry....i'm sorry i can't seem to help you in any way! I'm sorry for not being able to find another way to support you and understand you! I don't know what to do..and i'm just as scared as you are....scared that i will lose you...and that i wouldn't be able to save you...! Jake.." he looks at him and lifts his face up to his as he removes his shades aside revealing his bright orange eyes filled with a dreaded sorrow that filled Jake's eyes with pain, but a pain that felt reassuring to him. "Please....Jake...I love you..dammit...! And i just want...to help you! To save you! To be with you! I'm a failure of a boyfriend, knowing that...i can't even save you from yourself..!"

The brit's eyes widen even more as he gazes up at him with another rush of tears.

"N..no y..you're not a failure....y..you're not a failure dirk!" he cries. 

"Jake..."

"It's me! I just keep running away without letting you all help, it's all my fault! I'm just a dumb snob with bloody problems that mess up his thoughts and actions! It's all me! I'm so sorry!!!" he cries. Dirk kisses underneath his eye as one of his tears blend with the skin of his lips. He holds his face in his hands and strokes his cheeks with his thumbs.

"Jake...don't forget we are here for you, we always will be no matter what happens, no matter what you're going through we will all help you get through it together...okay?" he whispers pressing his forehead to his.

Jake nods sniffling, "Okay......thank you......Dirk..." he says quietly. Dirk kisses his forehead and leaves  a trail of kisses down over his eye, over his cheek, and finally to his lips. Sucked into his warm kisses and his warm embrace Jake feels his body become filled with a sense of relief and reassurance. He was saved. He was saved once more by his beloved Dirk Strider. He was once again ready to step up, no longer allowing his fear and anxiety to control him, but to give him strength to do what he and his family were set out to do. Defeat their enemies, and save their town and the rest of the world that will be affected. It was their task, and soon their plans will be in motion. 

'New Years...will be the day Dirk..the day everything will change...and i hope on that day we will be standing together through whats to come...'