i'm addicted to you ⇨ jian

chapter thirteen

kian's pov

I was an experiment to Jc, that's all I was. He led me on, kept kissing me, acting like he wanted so much more. But I was an experiment. Maybe it was a bad idea to have a relationship with Jc, I mean, imagine all the drama. The truth is, I was addicted to Jc, and knowing what he really thought of our relationship hurt.

I knew that if we started a relationship, it would put our friendship at risk too. I just got so lost in his touch I knew it would be worth it just to call him mine. I mostly avoided him around the house, I could see at times he wanted to talk to me, but my expression probably told him it wouldn't be the best idea.

"Just let him explain himself, maybe that's not what me meant" Harrison told me over our FaceTime. Me and Harrison hadn't really talked much since tour, but he was a good friend and I knew I could trust him with information like this. "No, he's done enough explaining, I know exactly how he feels" I angrily said thinking about how ignorant Jc was to play with my feelings like that, and in the most rude way too. He could have at least said it affectionately to show he cared at least as a friend. "But would if he was just scared" Harrison said. "I don't think so" I just wanted Jc to understand how it felt. "Well, I don't know what you want me to do then. It obviously seems like you want things to be different, but you're not even trying" he said sighing. I opened my mouth to say something, but shut it when I realized I had nothing to say. "Fine" was all I said before hanging up. I don't really know what I meant by that, but all I knew was I had to figure things out because I did not like how I was feeling at the time.

I had to get some fresh air, so I went out of my room to go onto the balcony. On my way, I ran into Jc. "Kian... Please just talk to me" he said. I thought about Harrison's words and contemplated if I wanted to let Jc talk, then I remembered what he did, and I didn't need anymore 'explaining' so I just continued to walk. "Kian, please" he started to walk after me. "Leave me alone Jc, please. I'll talk to you when I'm ready." That made him stop chasing after me. I didn't dare look back at him, all I could picture was a sad expression on his face, and I knew I wouldn't be able to take that.

I just stood there on the balcony, leaning against the rail that lined it. I let out a long breath and continued to watch the sun slowly set. The beautiful pinks and oranges filled the evening sky in Los Angeles.

I was about to head back in when my phone started to buzz. I was honestly feeling too lazy to answer it, but the vibrating got so annoying I pulled it out of my pocket to answer it. Meredith's contact popped up on my screen and I rolled my eyes before hesitantly pressing the green button. "Hello?" I said sounding lazy. "Kian, hi, um. I just wanted to let you know I'm heading back to New York soon" she said with a happy tone in her voice. "And?" I asked not really getting at where she was going, why couldn't she just text me? "And, I was thinking maybe you know, you'd want to visit your girlfriend before she leaves?" She asked in a sassy way. The word 'girlfriend' and the image of hanging out with her and kissing her made me frozen, I had no words. Before, I would have loved to visit with her, but now things were different, a lot different.

"Kian?" She asked again over the phone when I didn't reply. I snapped back from my daze and realized I eventually had to say something. "Oh, yeah, umm you know things are kind of hard right now. But I'll see if I got time." After I said that I hung up not wanting to hear her response.

I quickly shoved my phone back in my pocket and stepped back inside. I ran into Jc once again, but this time he just lowered his head to the ground and walked away from me. "Jc..." I said a little quieter then expected. I didn't like seeing him sad like this. He slowly turned around to face me. He had an unreadable expression on his face that made me feel bad for him, yet want him to explain why he did what he did. "Yeah?" Was all he said looking back at me. This was probably the most awkward conversation between us. I wanted things to go back to the way they were before, but I also wanted them to move forward between us.

I stopped for a minute and thought about my words before I spoke. So we were both left there just looking at each other. The awkwardness seemed to fade away and I could see this being a scene in a romance movie. In that moment I completely forgot why I was mad at Jc and even that I was mad at all. All the rush of memories of us kissing each other flooded me. Then I finally said something to break the unbearable silence between us. I put on a small smile. "I'm ready to talk now"