i'm addicted to you ⇨ jian

chapter fourteen

jc's pov

"I'm ready to talk now" Kian said. I really didn't know what to expect to come out of his mouth. Was he going to be mad? Or did he just want to talk things out? "Could you explain?" He asked. My mind was spinning on what to say. Did I tell him how I really felt or did I continue my lie? Kian would have to eventually forgive me right?

"Explain why you played with my feelings like that I meant." He clarified when I didnt answer. But I still couldn't talk, it was like there were so many options to say but none I could speak. I was really thinking about continuing my lie, we could just put this behind us and Kian would eventually get over it and everything would be normal again. I was bouncing back and forth between the two options. My mind told me to keep lying and eventually it would back to normal, but my heart put images in my mind of Kian in my arms and the feeling of his soft lips.

There were pros and cons to both, if I chose to tell Kian how I felt, we could be together happy, but there would be a lot of drama and rumours. And if I continued to deny my feelings, there would be no drama and everything would be fine, but it wouldn't be fine because I'd have to watch Kian be with someone else and not be mine.

"Jc? Hello?" Kian started to get impatient. "Oh, um sorry. I- um" I couldn't get anything else out, Kian's face started to sadden. "I'm scared" I said, the last thing I wanted to do was hurt Kian, and by lying I'd be crushing him. "Scared of what?" He asked looking back up at me, I didn't want to say it out loud because, well, I was scared. "You-you know what I mean..." I quietly said. "Yeah, I know, I just want to hear you say it" Kian said looking at me waiting for me to say it out loud. "Kian, I just- I've never had gotten so attached like this to another boy, I just think I need to take this slow, like really slow if we want this to go somewhere. I mean if you want to" I added at the end just in case, I mean Kian never really admitted his feelings toward me.

His lips started to curve up a bit into a smile, but he stopped himself and took a few steps toward me. Why did he have to make everything so dramatic like we were in a movie all of the time? "So, I wasn't just an experiment?" His low voice sounded so seductive. I hesitantly shook my head, intimidated by his height.

I tried to get the image of us two together out of my head and focus on everything else, what needed to be fixed before we rushed into this. But my body took over and my brain froze as Kian leaned in to kiss me. Suddenly, I forgot what I was even thinking about and as much as I tried to remember, the taste of Kian's lips pushed those thoughts away.

I grabbed onto the back of Kian's head in attempt to pull him closer, but there was no space left between us. He wrapped his arms around my back and tilted his head to the side a little bit more so he could get easier access to my lips. I felt loopy, I couldn't control my body and it felt like my ability to think and process what was going on was just out of my reach.

He continued to kiss me, my lips now barley doing any of the work because I was still so shocked at this feeling. After a little bit, I opened my eyes to get a glimpse of Kian's perfect face before he went back in. He then pulled away again, now just two inches from my face, catching his breath. My ability to think came back after about ten seconds and I processed everything I was trying to do while Kian was kissing me.

"Meredith" I accidentally said out loud. "What?" Kian's eyes were wide looking up at me. I slowly looked up from the ground, my eyes fixed on the wall behind him before actually looking at him. "You're still dating Meredith" I swallowed. He sighed, "Jc I don't know..." I had expected him to tell me that he would break up with her for me because he loved me. He acted all hurt because I had told him I didn't have feelings for him. Now he seemed happy to know the truth because we could finally be together, knowing the feeling was mutual, but he wouldn't even break up with his girlfriend?

I slowly walked away from him, not angry. I really didn't know what to feel at that time. "Jc..." he trailed off. "No, no um- it's not you. I said I needed to take things slow, that's what I'm doing" I didn't want to hurt Kian again, so I just pretended everything was all right.

"Tell me" I said. "Do you want the honest truth?" He looked at me a bit worried. "Not really" I looked back down at the ground. "Never mind, tell me straight up. I asked for your advice on this, now give it to me" I said shaking my head out of those depressing thoughts creeping up. Connor sighed. "I know straight guys who hook up with other guys for fun, but they usually don't leave their girlfriends for the guy they're messing around with" I could feel him look back at me, but I was looking at the floor. "But Kian was upset when I told him that I didn't love him! He wanted to kiss me! He wanted it, he got mad at me when I 'played with his feelings' it wouldn't make sense for him to just do the same!" I breathed out, I didn't know what to think. "maybe he just needed time to process too, and that's why he didn't say that he'd break up with her right away" I tried to convince myself. Connor opened his mouth to say something, but quickly shut it after.

I thought that when I told Kian that I liked him back, that we'd be able to be together and all the drama would come from other people and we could just ignore them and live our lives together. I thought that he loved me. I thought he loved me enough to even just break up with his girlfriend, who he even seemed to barley like anymore. I never thought that he would think twice about choosing Meredith over me after all we'd already been through.