Cabin of Bad Dreams and Towel Scenes

.five.

"Are you singing the ghostbusters theme?"

Gerard jumped, almost dropping a plate, "Frank! I, uh, yeah I was..."

I laughed, "What are you doing singing that?"

"I don't know. I sing when I'm happy and that was the first thing that came to mind." He shrugged putting his plate away.

I sat on the counter, "Happy about what?"

His cheeks turned pink and he looked away, "I don't know... just happy. Is there something wrong with just being happy?"

"No, no. I was just curious." I paused, "I'm happy that you're happy."

"Yeah?" He giggled.

"Well you've been having a lot of bad dreams. I know you sneak into the bed, Gerard. There's always an imprint on my left side that is just about your size." I teased, "Why don't you wake me up?"

"Because I don't want to disturb you..."

"But I told you that you could wake me up. I'm not bothered by that. You can always talk about them, if you want." I shrugged.

His back was towards me. He stared out the window, "They're about my father. Him beating me?"

"Is that why you shake?" I asked, my chest aching.

"Yeah..."

There was a silence. Gerard eventually turned around and came up to me. I stared at him, "Can you play ukulele for me? I got kinda sad again."

"Yeah, sure. What song?"

"Over the rainbow." He said.

"How did you know I could-"

He cut me off, "The walls aren't that thick, Frank. I can always hear you playing."

I wondered if he had heard other things, too.

I got up, Gerard leading the way to the open area. He sat down to the left of my chair and waited for me to start playing. I tuned it and he closed his eyes, taking deep breaths. I started playing, and as I did so, I saw his face relax. It was like this was his medicine. In a sense, I bet it was.

I heard faint little whispers of singing, "Somewhere over the rainbow... way up high..."

I had closed my eyes too at one point listening to both him and my small instrument. I felt his head rest on my thigh, his hands absentmindedly playing with them hem of my jeans. I smiled, feeling my chest warm and eyes start to water.

Why was I crying? I had no reason to...

"The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky and also on the faces of people passing by I see friends shaking hands saying how do you do? They're really saying I, I love you..."

It was the version by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole that I had learned to play on the ukulele. Gerard's words stung me more than the original singers voice did. I stopped playing and his voice cut off, staring at me. I held my face in my hands, resting my elbows on my knees. Gerard put a hand on my forearm and that just hurt me more. I stood up suddenly, surprising him.

"Frank-"

"I'm taking a shower."

I closed the bathroom door and sighed, feeling my eyes burn. Fuck, that was beautiful. I had never really cried at all when things were beautiful. I did, however, cry when I saw my mother in her wedding dress for the first time. But this was a different beautiful. This beautiful struck me in the heart, left me at a loss for words, and threatened tears to pour. But what kind of beautiful was this?