Reckless Passion

Chapter 11

— Chapter 11 —

Song Themes For This Chapter: Fidelity – Regina Spektor; Bad Reputation – Joan Jett & The Blackhearts

— Rose —

“Now this is the kind of party I like.”  I say with a smile.

Amanda chuckles while washing her hands at the sink.  We were standing in the bathroom even though it was only one bathroom, I wanted to come in here and talk with her briefly without the guys or Aaron’s sister, Jane, hearing us.

“So, you and Peter seem to be doing…really well.”  She grins, raising her eyebrows as she gives me a look.

I faintly smile.  “Yeah I guess.”

She frowns.  “What do you mean you guess?  Did something happen?”

I close my eyes for a moment before giving her a quick nod.

“Rose, talk to me.  Tell me what happened.”  She says worriedly.

I press my lower back against the sink as I fiddle with my fingers.  A knot in my throat forms as I struggle to get the words out.  “I k-kissed someone else.”

I look up at her when I don’t hear her response.  She frowns as if she’s not sure what to say.

“Well, that’s better than sleeping with someone else.”  She smiles innocently.  I knew she was trying to make the situation seem better than it was.

“It should have been just a kiss…but since then I can’t get him out of my head no matter how hard I try.  I’ve started to question if Peter and I are really meant to be together and if we’re really compatible.  I’m starting to notice things that are different between us…I’m such a horrible person.”  I bury my face in my hands and shake my head in shame.

Amanda lightly grips my wrists, bringing my hands away from my face.  “You are not a horrible person.  You made a mistake, people make mistakes.”

“But I don’t regret it.”  I whined, tears starting to fall from my eyes.  “I regret betraying Peter but I don’t regret the kiss and I’ve wanted to kiss him again ever since the first time!”

“Rose.  Rose.  Calm down.”  She shook my hands lightly.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”  I sobbed.  “I want this other guy but I want Peter.”

She gave me a sympathetic look.  “Sweetie, maybe you love both of them.”

“W-What?”  I blubbered quietly.

“You can love two people at once.  But usually you love one of them a least a little bit more than the other.  You can’t control who you fall in love with, but you have to figure out who you really want and be with that guy one hundred percent.”

I shifted my head from side to side in consideration.  “But I don’t know who I want more.”

Her lips curved up slightly in an understanding smile.  “Yes you do, Rose.  Just look deep within yourself.”

“But I’m scared…Peter…Peter is my safe haven, he always makes everything okay when I’m upset, and he’s gentle and kind and secure…the other guy, Louis…he’s unpredictable and rebellious and dangerous and mysterious…I’m too unsure of him…I can’t figure him out.”

“Don’t let fear, or morals, or your parents or anything, hold you back…if he’s what you really want then you should be with him.”

I shake my head quickly.  “No, I want Peter.  I’m meant to be with Peter.”