Abusive relationship

Chapter 4

I found myself watching Jake storm into our house in fear after he parked his car. The realisation of what was soon to come made me feel dizzy and unable to breathe.  Adrenaline flooded my system as I slowly walked towards our house, trying my best to control my breathing and appear calm. I jumped when Jake slammed the door shut the second I walked in, clearly making sure his actions were hidden from our neighbours. Suddenly, my body was pushed to the wall, and my shoulders encaged in the strong grip of his powerful hands. I could see the anger burning in his eyes as his chest heaved upwards and downwards, lost in the torment of his brain. Jake really lived in anger, damaged by suffering so grave I could only imagine the pain which lingered inside him. Despite the torment he gave me, I felt reassured that I could help Jake relieve his rage, even if it was only temporarily. I stared into his eyes of hatred with eyes full of love, despite the fear which burned inside me. 

"You're my property." He hissed, spitting onto my face. He then leaned in closer, so close that our noses were touching. "Not Oliver's."

I nodded repeatedly, silently praying that I would be let free. My eyes widened after Jake stayed still, his gaze now full of anguish. He was so broken.  How could I feel so frightened of someone so fragile? 

After seconds which felt like hours, Jake's face softened and grip loosened. His eyes remained fixed on mine, searching for something. Eventually, he let out a sigh and slowly walked away. Just like that...he was gone. With no explanation of what he had just done. 

I remained flattened against the wall I was pushed onto, shoulders aching and legs tremoring. My eyes were squeezed shut as I demanded the tears to stop, my mind engulfed with the face of whom I love. I pressed my head against the wall, giving in to the flood of tears rushing down my flushed cheeks as my chin trembled like a small child. I opened my eyes to stare at the window of my garden, desperate to find something to soothe me. There was something so inspiring about the sun, which cascaded a strong golden light into my kitchen. I still had hope persisting inside my heart, but it was much weaker than the hope I possessed as a child.

Clear watery snot streaked down my flaring nostrils, reminding me of my pathetic weeping. I remained focused on the sun, determined to linger onto my last surviving strand of hope. But the tears wouldn't stop. Why can't I stop crying? 

"The sun will rise again and we will try again." I told myself quietly. Tomorrow is a new day...

I hurried upstairs to my room before crying quietly into my hands, thankful for not being in Jake's view. He didn't deserve to see me in pain. It wasn't his fault that he couldn't control his emotions. I just needed to continue giving him love, that's all I could do...

I squealed in shock when my door slammed open, quickly wiping away the tears and snot which gave away my sobbing. Jake stood inside my room, towering over me like a predator staring at his prey.  

"I'm gonna go for a walk." He informed me, giving away no feelings of sympathy or regret. I gave him a smile and nodded, slowly heaving myself upwards to say goodbye. Suddenly, I found my body pushed towards his chest and squeezed into a hug. His unpredictable behaviour left me staring into his torso in awe, unsure of what to say or how to behave. Despite the heaviness of my stomach, it fluttered at the feeling of Jake's body pressed against mine. I sunk into the warmth of his grasp, forgetting about what had just occurred and simply being present in the moment. 

Then he was gone without a backward glance. Duty done, hug performed. Like that, we were back to being in love. I was back to being his puppet, something he could break and mend together whenever he wished. That was my reality, my life. 

My body laid across my itchy carpet, feeling weak and used. I closed my eyes and listened to the bird song from outside, seeping into the moment as best as I could. 

Maybe this could be a good opportunity to find more about Oliver.

Without thinking, I excitedly grabbed my phone and began searching for Oliver's social media sites, instantly forgetting about the pain which throbbed in my shoulders. Firstly I searched his name into Google and stared at my screen in wonder. 

Videos came up of him cart wheeling, walking on his hands, swinging elegantly from bar to bar. After gently jumping onto a mat, his eyes turned to look at the camera and his pink lips stretched out into a smile. I felt my cheeks blush and couldn't help but cheesily smile back. 

My heart ached over the thought of never talking to him. I had to find a way to approach him, even if it meant making a fool of myself. 

Wait. Instagram.

Instantly I found his Instagram, but felt my heart break in two when I saw how many followers he had.  He must get thousands of DMs from desperate girls like me everyday. I don't stand a chance.

I sent him a message just in case, but all my hope of getting to know him had left. My face was a picture of misery and the familiar feeling of loneliness ached inside my heart, demanding to be noticed.