Abusive relationship

Chapter 13

"You're my girlfriend now." Whispered Oliver, his gentle fingers trailing up and down my arm. His soft hair tickled my neck as he kissed my forehead multiple times, his lips slowly lowering and lowering. Before his kisses could go any further, my heart stopped and I instantly found myself in a state of panic. Oliver quickly raised his body upwards so that he could stare at me, clearly sensing my worry. His eyes remained fixed on mine. I could tell that he was unsure of what to do.

Without thinking, I found my weak arms pushing his strong body away. I quickly got up to rush around his room, collecting my clothes scattered across his floor. 

"Are you okay?" His voice was full of fear as he sat upright on his bed, his shirt unbuttoned and hair ruffled. The expression on his face sent my mind into an uncontrolled, captivated spiral. He looked puzzled yet still so cute. After admiring his beauty for a long period of time, I shook my head and relaxed my body. This is so ridiculous. Hurrying and leaving the boy I love behind for someone who I fear. Why can't my relationship with Oliver feel like reality, feel like something I deserve? Normal couples wouldn't feel guilty when becoming physical with their love. Yet every time Oliver hinted that he wanted to take our kisses to the next level, Jake's face popped up and I felt as though I needed to run.

As I tidied myself in the mirror and got changed, I noticed Oliver searching for something, looking confused as he muttered words to himself. His face lit up after pulling a blue and white baseball cap out of his wardrobe, causing me to chuckle when he walked towards me, soon after placing it on top of my head. "Keep it." He smiled. We remained staring at each other for a while, our lips stretched out and eyes bright with amusement. But soon after, my own smile faded after realising that I didn't have long until this moment would be snatched away by my own boyfriend.

"It's okay." He breathed, pulling me close to his chest. He kissed my head and stayed there, his chin resting on top of my new hat. Whenever Jake upsets me and makes me enter a dark hole, I will look at this hat and think of Oliver. 

I stared at Oliver in shock as his hand slowly lifted up my chin.

"Just one more time. Please."

Instead of the usual rush I feel when his lips touch my own, I felt sadness. Tears escaped from my eyes as we locked our lips and began to slowly kiss. Oliver's hand cupped my cheek to comfort me, but the tears wouldn't stop. If anything he was making it worse. Eventually, I realised us kissing was no help, and slowly parted my lips away from his. 

"I must leave," I whispered, my voice a pathetic squeak. 

"You still have time-"

"Please." I couldn't bring myself to look at Oliver. I simply opened his door and stared at my feet before leaving. "I'll see you soon." I didn't turn around to look at him, and walked away into my car before driving off to my home. 

~

A long sigh escaped from my chest when I checked the time before unlocking my door. I had just over ten minutes to get myself ready before Jake came to either make love with me or push and hit my body. Either way, I'm going to feel miserable and alone. 

I took off my cap to gaze at it, wondering if it looked suspicious or if Jake would simply assume I bought it myself. Just in case, I hid it in my wardrobe along with other possessions placed in a box labelled "underwear". These were possessions from my childhood friends which I like to view from time to time. I love opening the box and breathing in the comforting aroma of essential oils sprinkled inside. It's of rosemary oil and always reminds me of the garden my old school had. I had the privilege to grow vegetables and water the plants there every morning after being voted for "year representative". It may seem ridiculous, but to me, that year was one of the best years of my life. 

I jumped after hearing my phone buzz, but after reaching to grab it, the front door of my house unlocked and I instantly switched it off. I ran downstairs and gave Jake a smile, who seemed to be in a good mood today.

"You feeling ok baby?" He grinned as he slowly walked towards me, his disgusting, mischevious smile informing me that he really didn't care if I had recovered or not. I nodded anyway, despite my head still throbbing in pain. To my expectation, he believed me and walked towards the kitchen after putting away his long black coat, revealing his school uniform. "Haven't cooked dinner huh?"

Shit. 

"Don't look so scared! I wasn't hungry anyway." He let out a laugh as he walked towards me. "I've been thinking about you all day." 

Instantly I found my stomach fall into a pit of fluttering butterflies. I always fell for his stupid mind tricks, no matter what he had previously done to me. I was too in love to push him away. 

"Come give me a hug."

As though I wasn't controlling them, I watched my legs rush towards Jake, allowing him to pull me towards his chest. I felt trapped in his grasp: his hand was gently pushing my head towards his torso as his chin rested on top of it. I was stuck in his control, unable to move. 

He then kissed my lips, pulled away and kissed me even harder. Of course, I kissed back, drowned in the feeling of intense infatuation. In a matter of seconds Jake had lifted off his shirt and practically ripped off mine. He threw me onto our kitchen table and I, of course, didn't protest, despite the pain it gave me. I watched him take off his belt and soon my skirt. I wasn't in the mood tonight, especially not on an uncomfy wooden table, but I let him do whatever he wanted. I was simply just his toy after all. 

As I looked up at my boyfriend, I saw my first love stare back at me in what seemed like genuine affection. He was handsome alright, but inside he was foul. He had a way about him which made him always look immaculate, as though his ruffled hair and messy stubble was meant to look such a way. His good looks definitely made it easier for me to be drawn back to him. But I could never, ever forget the darkness which burned inside of him. He could never love me, despite how deeply I loved him.