for you

you were easy to befriend

You were easy to befriend.

It was easier to accept your faults and flaws.

I never had trouble walking through your defenses.

No, the hardest part was stopping myself – for both our sakes – from falling endlessly in love with you.

What would be different if one of us weren't into the other? It wouldn't be awkward, at least for my part. It is odd to put yourself in a situation that could have happened. Like what would I do each night without texting you before I fall asleep, who would I text in between my classes and study halls? Would we be different people?

You always said you would be dead. I don't believe you would be. You would be suffering. Suffering in your own skin, still alive-not yet living. I think if I hadn't come along when I did, you would still be breathing right now.

Do you know how boring life would be without suffering? You have to fight for a life you want.

Suffering is horrible, disgusting and grueling. But it's inevitable, and when you come to accept that you will realize that, when you're suffering and something awful happens; it's a perfect time for self-growth.

If I hadn't met you, I think some things would different. You taught me a lot. I saw inside of your beautiful mind with your adorable handwriting sprawled on paper with meaningful words mended to show your inner sadness. I heard your soul when you were uncontrollably laughing on the phone. I can go on and on and on for hours.

I was so in denial. I was so confused when I met you. I was lost, my soul was lost, I wasn't myself. Each day that I talk to you, I'm picking up little pieces to this complicated and complex puzzle. It's going to take a long time, maybe one day I will be full. But for now, I will suffer. I am young, I am free. I have a life and I am going to live it.
I hope you do the same.

Anymore, if I ever want to inflict pain on myself and draw blood from my skin. I look at my hands. They can do so much. Hands are amazing. They do so many things. (get your head out of the gutter, pervert. I'm trying to be romantic). They create beautiful things like art, or hold amazing things like puppies or new-born babies. They can be gentle or rough. I mean, you can kill someone with your bare hands, you can pull a trigger and end something that was horrid or beautiful. They can cause pain or pleasure. You hold hands with people you love, to show other people that that is your person. I find hands amazing and beautiful. They do so much. Give your skin a rest, it's tired and it's tired of crying blood.