for you

this isn't poetic, it is sad

I've been taking a lot of showers recently..trying to wash away my problems like this is some metaphorical world I'm living in.

I scrub my scalp trying to get rid of all of hatred my head causes me.

I take sleeping pills, because I know if I am awake you're all my mind can think about.

I wash my mouth out with soap and coat my body in gasoline begging the world for change.

I can't even think of any possibly of where I lost myself. I looked under my bed and behind the door, beneath the floor boards and in the couch cushion..I'm so tired and it feels like I've searched far and wide to find it; I can't take this much longer.

I have ripped my soul out of my chest, giving it to anyone who will take it.

I don't have a heart, I gave it to you long ago, I'm not sure if you auctioned it off to the highest seller yet.

I force myself out of nightmares, I hate seeing you in my dreams. Not even seeing you, hearing your laugh echo through my ears makes me wake up and scream, covered in a thin layer of sweat with my chest heaving at an uneven pace.

I didn't know I was cold until I felt heat. I didn't know you would become this important to me until we started talking more often.

I wish I could be a poet, try to make metaphors and describe you with odd but soothing words that would warm your soul. But baby...I am no poet, you are. You're something so much more than a poet actually. Your words have twists and turns grabbing and reaching, trying to make the first person they see and make them fall in love. You don't see yourself as being good with words, you don't see yourself as being capable of being and having love.

Every single word you say pushes me farther in this deep, deep ditch of loving you. I would stay in the darkness and wait for you forever.

You are so capable of love; whether it's from me or your future spouse. You deserve the stars in their given form, you deserve the entire universe.

I am scared of love, yet capable of it. I don't have any weapons, just a lot of ammunition. I know there is blood on my hands and hate in my heart. As long as you're happy, I would sacrifice myself to the devil himself. Rip my skin apart and sell my bones just to show you I would do anything for you.

I would throw my body off the highest cliff, trying to compare that to how high I feel like when I talk to you. Feed my body to the sharks to quench their hunger, hoping their hunger is the same as my need for you. Cover my body in salt, drying my skin out, hoping my thirst will go away.

Board myself in my room, trying to get rid of the voices in my head, bringing you up...every single solitary time.

Toss myself out of the gravitational pole, because I don't deserve to be in the same world as you; you are too pure for me.

They say salt and sugar look alike, they compared people to this and made a metaphor into it. Do not trust people. I trust you with me.

I don't know who you are.

I don't know who my mother is.

What is my life made out of? Lost atoms and fucked-up cells. You are gravity pulling me in without even thinking of it. No one knows why you're doing it, but you are.

If I didn't die with you, I don't think I ever lived. If I didn't try to save you, it just shows my selfishness.

Breaking down my walls, they turn into a driveway while having a party, anyone pulls in. When you go into the garage, spiderwebs and rusted garden tools are shown.