After I saw you with her, it didn't really hit me until I walked through my front door. I headed towards my bedroom, ignoring my mother's calls. I locked my door and fell onto my bed, crawling into a ball. I clutched my pillow and cried into it. I was sobbing, I don't know why. It's not like we were anything special. It's not like we were romantic interests. We're just best friends.
I hated myself for not being able to let go of my feelings. I hated myself for getting them in the first place. I hated crying and being upset over something that was all my fault - I made myself upset.
Later my mother came to call me. She tried to open the door. I tried to tell her I'm fine, but my throat was raw and my eyes dry against the wet pillow. I didn't want to move, I didn't want to do anything. I just wanted you. I just wanted to tell you how I felt. Or maybe I just wanted these feelings to go away. Either one would have been great.
Sometime during the still night, I fell asleep. It was possibly in the early hours of the morning seeing as I woke up late. I dared to turn to my side and pick up my phone to glance at the notifications. There were no new notifications. Not a word from you. I don't know why I expected a message from you. It was just a false hope. Instead I dropped the phone and stared at the wall as the feelings set in again.
It hurt, but tears wouldn't come. My eyes felt swollen and tired. My skin under my eyes felt taut. I felt hopeless, empty and hurt. I couldnt hear anything, or rather I wasn't listening. I couldn't feel anything besides the pain in my chest. I couldn't think of anything else. Everytime I closed my eyes I could see it again clear as day. There was nothing that could fix it and that made it worse. So instead, I continued to ignore my mother's calls and soon enough she gave up altogether, simply telling me pieces such as where she left my food or if I needed to talk, she was there. But I was too afraid. So instead, I stayed hidden in my room.
YOU ARE READING
My Secret Letters to You ➟ 2Jae
Fanfiction❝There's not a single day I regret meeting you.❞ Through the many years Youngjae has been with Jaebum, he wrote letters which he kept inside a book. These letters contained Youngjae's most private thoughts and emotions. Now he has left the book behi...
