My Secret Letters to You ➟ 2Jae

week later

It's been a week since it all happened. I haven't spoken to you as much as before. It hurt to. But you didn't seem bothered by it at all. Instead I went on as usual. I said and did minimal at home and at college. It was also strange yet funny how we didn't meet up for our weekly time together and we didn't cancel through message to one another. Instead I just went to the forest where we always met to be met with nothing. I didn't expect you to come or be there. I went of my own accord.

It made me feel bittersweet, but I dealt with it. It was still a quiet place, away from everyone else. I was still hurt though. More so now, but in a different way. Being ignored. I found myself going onto Instagram on one of the days in the past week to see you uploading pictures of yourself and your girlfriend.

I tried to ignore it too, but it was impossible. In the end, I uninstalled the application off of my phone and almost threw my phone away. The further away from everything the better. Running away won't solve anything, but I just wanted time to get over it and move on. Unfortunately it was harder than I anticipated and it hadn't gotten much easier.

As I sat in the silence, I soon heard soft footsteps approaching the area, mostly just branches. I looked up and saw you approach. You smiled when you saw me and I returned a pained smile. You came up to me and sat next to me, too close for comfort. I remember when I loved being close to you, but now I hate it, purely because seeing you hurt.

"Now tell me what's wrong." I heard you say. I dared to look up at you and felt a lump form in the back of my throat.

"Nothing." I tried to say, but it came out as a whisper. You didn't like the answer I gave you.

"I've been accepting that answer for too long. I've left you alone ever since the last time. Now please tell me." 

I stared at the ground, thinking about my answer.

"I don't like her." I love you.

"I feel left out." I just want you to be mine.

"You cancelled twice." I only look forward to my time with you.

"You haven't been talking to me." I want you to notice me.

"I don't know." I love you more than you know.

I finished, biting my lip as I stared at the ground. I didn't want to cry right now. Except I soon felt your arm on my shoulder.

"She isn't bad, Youngjae. I'm sure you'll like her." I'll never like her.

"Maybe we can all hang out?" Please no.

"I'm sure you two will be great friends." How when she's the reason I was thrown away?

I nodded. I didn't know how else to respond. I felt the tears prick at my eyes and I felt them roll down my cheeks.

"Youngjae, are you crying?" I heard you ask. I couldn't answer incase my voice betrayed me. Instead I shook my head and rested my face on my arms and knees. Instead of accepting my answer, you pulled me close in a hug against your chest as you slowly rubbed my back as you tried to comfort me as I cried.