Every time he is awake, he can feel it. Every time he is asleep, he relives it. Every time he thinks, he can't forget it. First comes the absolute panic, then the heavy weight on top of him, tight hands holding his wrists and refusing to let him go- but then comes the pain, and oh God, the pain. It's unbearable, and each time it happens he wishes he wasn't alive. He knows it's all in his head, that Catlin isn't there, but it feels so real.
Sometimes he wakes up expecting to see his parents there, his kind, loving family. He's regularly disappointed. But then he'll see Dan, and the disappointment vanishes. He doesn't know where he'd be without Dan.
"Kyle, Love." His boyfriend whispers as he sits by the tall boy's bed, gently stroking his knuckles. It's strange seeing such a tall person in such a vulnerable state, but the doctors and nurses have seen it all. "Talk to me."
For somebody who has been stabbed, Dan is doing reasonably well. He gets to go home tomorrow- they just want to make sure he's okay. Dan doesn't mind, he just wants to make sure Kyle is okay.
Kyle shuffles slightly. "'bout what?" He mumbles with the hood of the hoodie that Dan's mum had bought for him pulled far over his head. Despite his size, all of Dan's clothing seems to drown Kyle.
Dan doesn't like the way he's tried to distance himself from everyone and tried to block himself away from the world- but then, there isn't a lot that Dan likes at the minute. He doesn't like Kyle's mum for not answering the phone (she still doesn't know what's happened. Dan was informed the police are coming to speak about the incident today, and they'll go around the Simmons house to speak to Mrs Simmons), he doesn't like Catlin for doing this in the first place, he doesn't like the fact that nobody has even come to see Kyle, and he despises the fact that Kyle sometimes wakes up in the middle of night crying, and calls out first for his dad, yet the man isn't even here. He doesn't know, too.
"Anything, Baby. Please, just talk to me." Dan moves his hand and smoothly runs it through Kyle's thick hair. His pale skin is still bruised horribly and it makes the shorter boy feel ill. Who could be so evil to do this, anyway? Kyle hasn't done anything to anyone.
"Don't feel like it." The reply Dan receives is sharp and quick, and it dismisses the idea immediately.
The next hour goes peacefully down, the minutes falling away as Dan watches Kyle sleep. He looks somewhat peaceful, now, and that's something at least.
A squeak cuts through the air and several footsteps follow it into the room, capturing Dan's attention.
The door is open now, but Dan wishes it wasn't.
"Hey."
"What do you lot want?" Dan sneers at the group as they stand at the door. He glares at them, anger flaring up from the pit of his stomach. After everything he's done, the criminal's friends should not be here. "Can't you see he's done enough to us?"
One of them steps forward- Dan never got his name, but then again, he never really cared enough.
"We need to explain something to you. Something quite important, really- but we bought these for you and Kyle," the boy says as he reaches over to his friend to grab some flowers. It's a simple act, but an act nonetheless. "We know we really don't deserve for your and Kyle's forgiveness- not at all, but like we said, Sam had everyone wrapped around his little finger. He was blackmailing us to be his friends because he had no others- he threatened us, told us he'd do everything he could to make our lives Hell. Call us wimps, but..."
"But sometimes the things he said were too personal," Jake breaks in with a shake of his head. "He was crazy, Dan, you know that. Nobody expected him to be this bad, though. If he had told us what he was going to do, we would have warned you. I tried to warn you the best I could, but..."
So. News spreads fast, then.
"Then why didn't you stop him?!" To an extent, Dan raises his voice before he realises that Kyle is asleep next to him. The other boy doesn't do so much as stir. "If you knew he was going to do something, why didn't you talk him out of it?" One of them goes to open his mouth, but Dan digresses. "Kyle was already bad, okay? He was already cutting himself, hating his life- for fuck's sake, this could trip him over the edge was already so close to. Do you know how scary that is? Do you know how hard it is when you're so, so in love with somebody and they already hate not only themselves but their very life?
"He hates the fact that he can't speak properly, he hates the fact that his mum and dad are no longer together, he hates the fact that he is Kyle. He fucking resents the fact that he has to wake up every day and put up with not only Catlin but you lot! Whether you meant it or not, you still did it!
"When I found out he was cutting years ago, I thought I was going to be sick, but it wasn't from pity, it was from anger at you! And you, and you, and you! I swear to God if he takes it that one step further, it will kill me, and all of you will have played some part in it!"
Dan's speech ends sharply as he breaks down into a fit of sobs. Jake has no hesitation as he walks over and throws his arms around Dan- well, the best he can with him being in a wheelchair.
Kyle can hear Dan crying. He's awake, but he doesn't want to tell anybody that. Tears are welling in his eyes at Dan's words and they send shivers down his spine because it's all true. When he realised who was there he immediately felt his blood run cold.
