when we were young - tofuugaming + hbomb94

XIX

{ Liam }

So uh I'm here with Will and Zach just waiting for Joe to get back with Alyssa, BECAUSE SHE JUMPED OUT OF A DAMN WINDOW.

So while I wait for them to return, we worry about Alyssa. For reasons such as why did she jump out of a window or was she trying to commit?

I'm snapped out of my thoughts as the door bursts open and in come Alyssa and Joe.

She looks exhausted, like really really exhausted.

I practically make a beeline for her as she smiles and I engulf her in a hug.

"Aw Liam, how are you?"

"I'm good but what about you? You jumped out of a window. I was concerned for you."

"I know, I'm sorry."

I look down at her eyes which are watering on the brink of tears.

"It's ok, none of us are mad at you."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes I'm sure. We love you."

"Ok, I trust you."

After a long day, Alyssa and I end up at a Cracker Barrel very late at night. We finally start to leave at 11 pm. We head into the car as he drives off to an empty grass field.

"I heard you moved to Arizona, I might have to come visit."

"Actually a few of our friends are supposed to be visiting me, if you want to come and invite Joe that would be great."

"I will, I'll ask about it."

"Are you sure you're alright?"

"I told you I'm fine. I'm ok."

"Alyssa..."

"Liam? What?"

- warning -

{ Alyssa }

He places his hands on my either side of my face and kisses me. Before getting me to climb on top of him. Then he flips us over so I'm on the bottom.

"We can't do this."

"Why not?"

"Because, I don't love you....like you love me."

-----------------------------

We finally end up back home as we walk inside and nobody is home.

"Well uh, I'm gonna go to bed alright. Night...." He says as he walks back to his car and drives to his hotel.

I get in bed and curl up into a ball.

"I've ruined everything.....I can't reciprocate love for him like he wants me to."

I tried so hard to love him back. The way he looked at me and the way he comforted me. Even the way he touched me showed that he loved me. But I didn't feel the same, I could never feel the same, knowing that I love someone else.

He's so sweet and the perfect guy, I just can't love him the way he deserves to be loved. Because he deserves someone so special and as it turns out that person isn't me.

He's probably broken inside, because I broke his heart. I should've ended it earlier, this is my fault.

And for the 6th time this month, I cried myself to sleep.....alone.

{ Liam }

She played me....she led me on and acted like she loved me when she didn't. Because I loved her.....I loved her so much. I will never find anyone I loved as much as her.

I don't know what I was thinking, I don't know why I thought she would love me.

Oh right because she said she did. She said she would love me forever.....and she doesn't.

She let me fall in love with her and didn't stop me. She didn't stop my from kissing her or holding her at night when she needed it.

She didn't stop me and I wish she had.

She should have stopped me.

I would've stopped myself.

I swerve into the hotel parking lot as I get out in the now pouring rain and march up to my hotel. I flopped down in bed and tucked myself in the covers not bother to shower or change.

And for the first time in a long time, I cried myself to sleep....alone.

{ Joe }

I unlock the door to the house and walk up to my room not before peeking into Alyssa's room.

I notice the tissues strewn about her bed and her tear stained face asleep, not as peacefully as I'd hoped.

I walk a little farther into her room as I cover her with a blanket and sit on the edge of the bed.

"Joe?"

Her eyes open already threatening tears and sadness.

"Hey, are you ok. I know I left you alo-"

"He loved me Joe. And I didn't do anything about it."

"Who?"

"Liam. Liam loved me. I could tell how much he loved me and I didn't love him back. And I told him when he wanted to kiss me again. He was so heartbroken.....AND ITS MY FAULT!" She yells as she hits the bed over and over again, tears furiously streaming down her face.

"It's not yo-" I start to say but get cut off by her.

"YES IT IS JOE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! I KNEW I DIDN'T....HE....I.."

"Calm down Alyssa, and tell me....slowly."

"I knew he loved me...and he did he loved me a lot."

"So?"

"But he loved me a lot more than I loved him. Which in a girlfriend boyfriend stance wasn't really at all. And I knew I didn't, but I let him love me like I was the only thing that mattered to him. Then I broke his heart. And it's my fault."

"It will be ok, I promise."

"No it won't, he hates me now. Because I baited him into thinking that I loved him when really deep down inside I didn't. No matter how much I tried to convince myself that I did the feelings just weren't there. But I led him to believe that they did and I'm a stupid idiot for that.....I'm so so stupid."

"You're not stupid."

"I am stupid. I did this to him and I'm a fool. He loved me. He told me how hard to was to find someone who truly loved him. He said his happy he was that I was in his life and that he didn't know what he would do without me. He told me that I was the only thing that made getting up in the morning worth it. He told me he loved me every chance he got. And I......crushed every feeling every ounce of love within him; and there was a lot. I crushed it down to smithereens, atoms, molecules. So small that you can't even see it anymore. Because I took that from him what he's longed for so long. What he told me he used to cry himself to sleep about. I took everything from him. And I......don't deserve someone as great as him anyways."

I watch the tears flood down her face in guilt as I wipe her face with a tissue.

"Please, get some rest. I will stay with you."

I hug her as tight as I can in my clutches as she breathes into my chest while we're laying down. I rub her back as she shakes against me.

"It's ok, I promise it's ok."

After a little bit I hear very faint snoring.

"I want to love you, I really do. And I do, but you're going through a lot now. And I don't think it's the best time to love you like a boyfriend.

So let me love you like a best friend.

Like I always have.