when we were young - tofuugaming + hbomb94

XX

{ Joe }

I wake up the the bright light shining in my eyes and a small person cuddled up in my lap. Tear stains traced down her bright cheeks. Her hair draped around her shoulders. Her whole body covered with one shirt, my shirt.

Her light breathing as her chest moves up and down. Getting a little heavy every now and again because of her asthma.

Slightly moving in her sleep a few times every 5 minutes. Her small hands grip tighter onto my shirt as she shakes and her breathing get heavier.

She starts moving her head around and tugging at my shirt.

"Alyssa? Wake up."

She jolts awake now noticing the newfound sweat beading down her forehead.

"Joe?..."

"It's me. I'm here it's ok."

"I'm ok it's just....I'm an awful person."

I sigh as I wrap my arms around her cold body as she sits in my lap with her legs wrapped around my torso.

"You've got to stop blaming yourself for everything. It's not your fault."

"I know, I know....I'm sorry."

She rests her head on my chest looking the most tired she has ever been.

"I'm sorry that I've been putting you through."

"It's worth it. I wouldn't leave you for anything. I need you, you make me happy."

"I don't know what I would do without you. I would probably be dead without you. There have been so many times I've wanted to end it all. But then I remember you and I can't do that to you. Then you make me happy and that bad feeling goes away when I'm with you. Sort of. You make me so happy and nobody makes me happy. Only because you care, nobody else does."

She yawns and cuddles me a little more before I rub my hand up and down her leg.

"Get some rest. You need sleep...more than I can tell you've been getting."

She nods as her tense muscles loosen up and is out like a light.

She's out like a light and I want to bring her brightness back. For she should shine like the beautiful light she is. I just wish she could see that herself.

She's almost all I think about all the time, she's got me starstruck. Like a whirlpool that pulled me in and I can't seem to get out.

Not that I'd want to anyways.

She's the most beautiful person I've ever seen and I would give everything for her. Love her until the end of time.

But would she do the same?

This I'm not sure I know. She loves me yeah but am I her everything? Like she's my everything.

That's the question that goes unanswered.

Eventually I'll know if she does, I just don't know if I want to know.

I can hear her soft breathing as the outside ambient noises fill the room and light attempts to flood into the dark room.

Because I closed the blinds that let in the light.

Did I close the blinds on Alyssa?

Am I the action or am I the blinds? Or maybe I'm the sunshine that's not getting through to her.

I want to open the blinds for her so she can be truly happy once again. I wish so hard to see her be happy. But her blinds are closed, her windows are locked tight and the light switch doesn't
Work. For she has not seen the light for a long while.

That's all I wish for her...is the light that she hopefully will see again.

For she is my love.

My Everything.

[ lmao short chapter sry ]