He is a wicked fireball, who brings me a great deal of pain,
My love for him will never be quite the same,
There is no external evidence of the abuse he has done,
Inside my mind is scarred for life and it cannot be undone.
When did my love leave a bitter flavour in his mouth?
I want to believe things will get better but there is always doubt,
It’s always me begging him to please stay,
There is a reason why tears are streaming down my face.
The kisses do not get worse than this,
They are missing the lasting and beautiful bliss,
Those lips do not kiss me easily anymore,
Instead they speak with power like an army going to war.
I am not frightened by this man, who deems he loves me,
But I am terrified of losing the person, who once made me feel complete,
It was foolish of me to think that this love would be forever,
He was the reason why I don’t have any more scars under my sweater.
What if I go back to those self destructive ways?
Will someone else ever come along to help me escape?
Or was I meant to be depressed for all of eternity?
Unable to find the one who will help cure my insanity.
He has fallen out of love with my hideous vessel,
I am still in love with him on many levels,
He manipulates me for his physical needs,
Guilty as hell, I have done the awful deed.
He is a tall oak tree, with life bursting on every inch of him,
A galactic nebula of hidden intelligence within,
His eyes may be a dull gray like a cloudy day,
But his smile is heartwarming and meets with mine halfway.
Every time I see him my heart stops beating for a single second,
Being in his presence and talking to him makes life pleasant,
But I am barely catching his attention,
I’m always the one starting the conversation.
I guess I can always admire him from afar,
He would never know of the faint scars on my arms,
This one person makes me fall in love with being alive,
Like he is the brightness of the sky’s sunshine.
Would he adore me like I do with him?
Or is this a hopeless love I am powerless to win?
He is all about simplicity and I’m incredibly complex,
I want to thank him for all his short and sweet compliments.
My heart is nothing more than a castle made of glass,
His is presumed to be unbreakable and made out of polished brass,
If I became a minimalist maybe I could be his,
I remembered my irregular appearance and realize that I’m not thin.
Because really, who would learn to love a girl with crying eyes?
Who can barely see through the darkness and into the light?
He deserves way better than the “always want to be drunk” me,
As I am constantly plagued with moments of anxiety and extreme fatigue.
-c.m
