*Trigger warning: Self-shame, self-harm, depression*
"You think its killing you? Bitch please. I'm already dead."
~Alysonn Grey.
***Lynn's Pov***
My eyes open. I feel it again, I can sense myself feeling it, the not wanting to get up from bed, the not wanting to eat even though I haven't eaten in a while. Probably two days. The not wanting to do anything but lay in bed until nothing matters. I felt it.
I knew I shouldn't have gotten so close to Andrew so much. Gosh, I'm so stupid, how I could I have let a complete stranger get the best of me and break my heart.
I'm so stupid and idiotic. I'm oblivious and dumb, I'm ugly and too much to handle and sad and mean and I don't put other's peoples need before my own.
That's the worse part, I don't blame him. Because that girl was gorgeous. And If I was him, I wouldn't choose me either.
My phone rings, the name that pops up; it was the name that gave my heart melt, it gave my stomach butterflies, it made the sun shine brighter, it gave me a reason to smile.
But today.
Today, it felt like my heart froze, it felt like the butterflies died, the sun went away and it gave me a reason to cry.
Next to my phone, a small, shiny object grabbed my attention. It was blade, with a message next to it: 1 year, 7 months.
A little, sad smile danced its way into my lips, that was the longest I've been clean since I started. I had had the strength for 1 year and 7 months to wake up, look at that blade and flick it off.
But today, the pain was too great. My little heart, it was beating so loudly, screaming out for help. It just can't handle another heart break. Maybe, if I put some pain in thighs, it would take some of the pain away from my tiny heart.
"One," I whisper to myself through sobbing tears, "One won't hurt and it will take the pain away."
I looked over at my thighs, the scars that dressed the slightly tan, almost pale skin. I looked at the marks. I traced my finger of the 'why' that I had drawn on myself using a blade as my pen and my blood as ink, on a cold and lonely night.
I pressed the blade near the why, as I added a little more pressure guilt and pleasure filled up my heart.
Just one didn't do the job, so I kept going and goi...
***Andrew POV***
I called her. She didn't answer
So I called her two more times, still no answer.
It was the empty sound of her voice mail, if it wasn't one way, it was going to be the other.
"Listen, I know why you did what you did. But I'm not going to lie, its killing me. I didn't kiss her. I promise you. I know you don't believe a word that comes out of my mouth right now but please. Give me another chance. I fucked up, but I'm human! Thats what we're best at. Please... Just please."
My voice breaks half way though the middle. I felt pathetic for begging but for her, gosh for her I would have gotten in my knees. Even if it wasn't necessary.
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A/N:That was THE cringiest shit i have ever read, I'm sorry. I edited it and made it better. Hopefully.
The book will probably almost completely change from this point going forward.
thx for reading :)
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Fate (Andrew Taggart, The Chainsmaokers)
FanfictionLynn was always a girl who didn't believe in fate or that your story was written in stone. She was a savage, she never listen to what people had to say and never payed much attention to teachers or anything. She never was a afraid of anything. She w...
