My Heart's Desire [A My Candy Love fanfic]

Chapter 11: Understanding

It's been days since I've talked to Castiel. I never knew if he forgave me and the thought of that made me very uneasy, so I decided after school today I was going to talk to him about it. That wasn't the only thing that made me uneasy today, for some reason I felt something bad coming, it was a gut feeling but because it was a gut feeling I kept that on the side of my mind.

"So, he still hasn't talked to you?" Rosa said as she sat down next to me.

"Sadly, no. However, I am going to talk to him after school." I said as I took a bite of my sandwich.

"Just settle things with him...I believe though, that this is a good time to tell him." Rosa said.

"I just don't know, I'm afraid of his response. I rather just not say anything and keep it that way, it's better than getting hurt in the end." I said

"You might never know unless you speak but I'm not going to force you at all, I'll support your choice no matter what." Rosa said smiling at me.

"Thank you." I said as I ate the last bite of my sandwich.

The bell rang and we headed back to class. I kept looking at the clock, wanting the final bell to ring so I could run to find him. It felt forever, time teasing me every time I looked at it.

"Finally." I said as hurriedly put my stuff away.

I searched his classroom, the garden, the gym, the roof, each classroom I could think of but I couldn't find him at all. I gave up and got out the library to go home. That's when I heard a faint sound in the basement.

'Of course! Castiel says he practices after school with Lysander.' I thought as I headed to the basement.

He was sitting down on a chair, practicing his guitar and looking through is notes. However, a familiar bitter scent hit me, the faint smoky air filling up the room. Castiel inhaling and exhaling.

Unconsciously I walked up to him and before he could react I took the cigarette out his mouth.

"Since when have you been doing this?" I said as my voice wavered.

"Give it back." He said coldly as he got up.

"Why would you do this!?" I said raising my voice.

"It doesn't concern you! Give it back, I'm able to do what I want." He snapped back.

I threw the cigar at the floor and stepped on it, I clenched my fist and looked sternly at him.

"You know what this does to you, so why do you do this? ...Why do you do this to me!?" I said trying to control my voice.

"Tsk. You're annoying. I don't need you on my back, worrying for every little thing I do." He said.

"Of course I do! Because I l-...because you're like family to me!" I shouted back.

"You're not family and you're not my babysitter. I can do whatever I feel like doing, you still think like we are kids. I'm not like your mother who gave up quickly and left you." He said before he noticed his words.

A lump was stuck in my throat, trying to slip out but I, trying to repress it from coming out.

"You're right. You can take care of yourself, that's why you're living alone and care free. We're not family...we never were, I was just stupid enough to believe that we were." I said softly.

"Myra, that's not what I meant." He said as he put his hand on my shoulder.

I smacked his hand and moved away from him.

"You're strong and independent, so of course you're not her, because I hated her and I couldn't possibly hate you. But, just like her you're leaving me alone. I'm done already. I'm tired of this, this confusion and pain." I said as I held back my tears.

"Myra." He said walking towards me.

"Stop! Let's just end it here, it's better for you isn't it. So, thank you for everything you've done. You don't have to care of me nor I for you." I said as I gave him a smile and walked away.

I heard him call my name and his footsteps following my own, I ignored them and ran as fast I could. I ran and ran to my house not looking behind me until I had closed my bedroom door. That's when my tears flowed and didn't stop at all, I felt my heart tear into pieces as I cried on my bed. It hurt so much that all I wanted was to die at that moment, I wanted to go back in time to change everything. My reason to go was to fix our relationship but in the end I ended up breaking it forever. We could never be together again, I had made it worse and now I get what I deserve.

"Myra." A familiar voice said.

I opened my eyes and read the time, I had slept for 3 hours after crying. I got up and opened the door.

"M-Myra! You look like a mess. What happened?" Rosalya said as she sat me down on the bed.

"Why are you here?" I said coldly.

"Castiel called me and he said to come talk to you. He said he messed up and said things he shouldn't have." Rosa said as she patted my head.

"Why should it concern him if we decided to split?"

"You decided to split, you didn't even hear his response to what you told him."

"So you're going to defend him now."

"No I'm not, but I believe you should hear others out or else you'll regret it."

I laid on my bed and sighed, all I wanted was to forget everything.

"He should've come if he wanted to apologize."

"I'm sure you wouldn't let him come to your house, that's why I'm here so you guys can settle things."

"That's what I tried to do the first time but look how that turned out."

"You can't give up that easily."

"I don't want to but every time I'm with him something dumb always happens and ruins our happy moments."

"You guys just need to understand each other more, talk and try to get to know each other's adult self."

"Fine, but I'm not promising that I'll forgive him right away. I'm done apologizing."

Rosa laid next to me and ran her hands through my hair. Lost in thought I ended up drifting off to sleep.
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A/N: Sorry for no January update, got caught up with other stuff. However, I am hoping to get two chapters out this month, one being a valentines special of course! ;)