i smoke to die. // djh + pml

nineteen / / you're like sunshine.

they say the saddest people
smile the brightest
you told me my smile
lit up the whole world

tw / / mention of bullying.

Dan

phil pulls away and asks "do you want to go to sleep now, dan?"

"no. i want to hear about you, now. if that's alright with you"

he nods.

"well, my parents are normal, i guess, we have good times together, they trust me, they're happy together, they're very supportive, we're a happy family, i suppose.." he sighs.

"but, no family is ever perfect, i wasn't the perfect child they wanted, they don't always approve of my decisions, and whichever decision i make is to make myself feel better or make me happy, but, sometimes, they just think it's wrong or weird, just like my personality.."

"when i was in grade school, like i mentioned before, i wasn't well liked, i was different, i didn't fit in with the 'cool kids', they called me weird and a freak because i didn't like the same stuff everyone else did, they would insult me and i didn't mind that much, but, once i told everyone i liked boys that's when everything bad started, who knew kids would be homophobes so young? no one would hang out with me anymore, not even talk to me, no one wanted to be around me, they would just keep on insulting me and i tried to ignore it, but, i couldn't. when i told my mum about it, she just told me to not listen to them and it's okay to be different, and to love whoever we want, my dad didn't really care much about what happened at the time, he only focused on me when good things happened, like if i won an award, for good grades, stuff like that, so, i tried to forget about it, and, i did for a while, and then when i entered middle school everything got so much worse"

"i thought everyone would forget about it, but, they didn't, the insults got worse, i even started getting attacked physically, and since i'm not exactly the strongest person and i had no one by my side, i couldn't defend myself. every time i got home, i came with bruises and filled with tears, my mum got really upset and tried to talk to the principal, but, they couldn't do anything about it. i became depressed and wasn't happy anymore, my mum noticed and she decided that we should move, so, we did."

"i was scared, a new school with different people, but, i decided that i shouldn't share my likes and dislikes and my sexuality, so, i decided to just talk to people, be friendly and happy, see how it went, and it was the best decision i've ever made, i was practically friends with everyone at my new school, i wasn't afraid anymore, i stopped being depressed and was happy again. when i came home every day my mum's friend and her child, pj, would be there, me and pj became best friends, even though we went to different schools, but, we did tell everything about each other, no secrets between us, we were close, still are, but, still not as close as you and troye."

"and since the day my life became better, i also decided that i should talk to everyone, if anyone was lonely or anything, i wanted to talk to them, i didn't want anyone being sad and lonely, i already know how that feels like and nobody deserves that. that's why i talk to everyone, why i'm 'friends' with everyone, i don't like to see anyone alone."

"it was the same thing in high school, i was friends with everybody, didn't want to see anyone alone, so, when i turned 18, i asked my mum and dad if i could move out and get my own house, don't get me wrong, i love my parents, but, i felt like i'm mature enough to live alone now, take responsibility, and they believed in me and they let me, so now i live alone, i also changed schools again because pj wanted me to spend our last year in the same school, funny he asked until now, but, a part of me wanted to, too, so, that's why i came here, i actually like it better than my old school, i probably should've come sooner, but, it's alright, everything happens for a reason."

"you never see me frowning or sad because i don't want to be that way anymore, i just want to smile and feel happy, because, the opposite is just horrible. that's why i want to help you, dan, i want you to be as happy as me, maybe even more, but, you have to put away all the negative thoughts, try to do things that make you happy, think positive stuff, try out new things, will you let me help you, dan?" he looks at me in the eyes.

"you already are. no one has ever made me as happy as you do, not including troye, but, he doesn't count in this situation. i love spending time with you, and i don't think i've ever been happier when i'm around someone else, you're like sunshine, phil, you give everyone light and we can't reject it because we need it, you're my ray of sunshine, phil." i look down and blush.

he lifts my chin up to look at him again. "hey, thank you for trusting me, dan, i know it was hard for you, and, i promise i won't let you down, i'll always be here for you if you need me"

"is that what you say to all your friends?"

"yes and no, not the 'thank you for trusting me and i won't let you down' part, that was only for you, because, you're different than anyone else, you're special to me, and, i think you feel the same way about me as well, besides, you're more than a friend" he smirks. that cheeky little shit.

"friends with benefits"

"you're still on about that?!"

"maybe"

"how hard is it to say soon-to-be-boyfriend?!"

"what if i don't wanna be your boyfriend" i tease.

"really? because that's not what i'm getting at with your actions."

"maybe i just wanna be friends with benefits.."

"really? you'd rather be my friend with benefits? that means you can't get jealous if i get touchy or flirty with another person then, your choice"

i frown then pout "you would really do that wouldn't you?.."

"of course not, you're the only one i want"

"sure" i say, i played myself. you know he can get anyone he wants and you still push him away, you're-

i get interrupted by my thoughts when phil presses his lips against mine

"you can't take me seriously, babe. but, even so, if you can't take your own game then don't play"

i sigh and cover my face with my hands in embarrassment.

he giggles, he gets on top of me, then moves my hands away from my face and looks at me, i immediately blush and try to look away, but, he stops me and kisses me, passionately, i can't deny him, so, i just respond back.

he then stops and lays back down beside me. "you're adorable"

i blush again, i just turn to my side so he doesn't see me.

he then takes this moment and finally spoons me, but, he feels so nice, i could never get tired of this, we just lay there in silence, none of us realizing how tired we are, and then, we fall asleep.

a/n

1276 words. ugh i'm so sorry guys, i know this took long but i just had no motivation to write, not writers block, just no motivation to do it, and i've been trying to enjoy my last days of break cause i start school on monday, so i'm sorry this took long and i hope it wasn't that boring. i missed you though! you know what to do!

xx

1-5-17