i smoke to die. // djh + pml

one // i hate everyone.

sometimes those who don't socialize much aren't actually antisocial, they just have no tolerance for drama and fake people.

dan

i'm 17 years old, by looking at me you can definitely tell what type of person i am... that's right i'm that antisocial loser who's a big emo awkward nerd! or as i'd like to call myself, a misfit, i don't like labels but honestly that's the best way to describe me in a single word, just to not go into detail and freak people out anymore, i mean not that i care, it's not like i particularly like socializing but i don't hate it either, i'm just not used to it, i mean i've only had a single friend my entire life his name was troye sivan, he was my best friend, he was quite social and popular which i have no idea why he was ever my friend, probably cause we've known eachother since we were little but anyway, he left me, not in a bad way, we're still friends, just not as close, see the thing is, he's really talented, he can sing really good so he started making videos on youtube and posted them and well he got really popular so some music company decided to give him a record label and of course he accepted, but now he has to run all over the world doing shows and everything a pop star would, im really happy for him, i really am.. i just wish he wouldn't have left me like that.. he was the only one who's ever been there for me after everything but now i have nothing.

"make some new friends!" is what he says, even though he knows i don't know how to socialize and i hate everyone anyway. it would be nice to have friends but nobody likes me, in fact for the most part, i get insulted everyday by these guys named joe, pj and marcus, they just hate me for no reason, they call me "freak" "loser" "loner" "ugly" "stupid" "worthless" and way more worse things than that oh and they also call me a "faggot" oh, i forgot to mention, i'm bisexual, and for some reason that really seems to trigger everyone, like come on it's the 21st century people need to get over it already, i mean that doesn't bother me that much but the name calling does, and sometimes they'll go around saying "go kill yourself" "why are you even here" "nobody cares about you" and that's what hurts me the most, i may seem chill about it but honestly it just makes me wanna die, i'm also depressed, for many reasons, the main ones being those i just listed but obviously no one cares or even seems to notice because i truly don't have anyone to help me, and i get worse everyday, not to mention i'm addicted to smoking reasons being 1. they help me forget about my problems for a while and 2. the more i take the closer i am to dying so that's definitely fun. and another thing, if you haven't figured it out already, i absolutely hate myself, i hate my personality, i hate my attitude, i hate the way i look, i hate the way i can't socialize like a normal human being, i hate my voice, i hate my life. there is nothing i don't hate about myself.

but one day, my life starts to get a little bit interesting.

a/n
hiii so this was the first chapter, i don't know how i did but i tried to make it as detailed as possible.. was it too short?? i hope you guys are liking this story so far! please leave any errors for me to correct, or just tell me what you liked about it maybe?? opinions are appreciated but thank you for reading!

xx

12-22-16