i smoke to die. // djh + pml

nine / / guess who's coming over with malteasers.

and i guess i'm just a mess, and maybe i'm just lonely or just bitter but i know my head's a storm and my chest is empty

Dan

its that time when i get to talk to phil, i don't know why, but i'm really nervous.

i enter class early and go to my seat, before i can think of being nervous again, phil comes in soon after, i guess this is really important to him.

"hi, dan" he doesn't sound as cheery and happy as usual.

"hi, phil"

"so, about what happened, look, dan." he sighs "i promise you pj is a good person, i apologize on his part, i swear he didn't mean anything, i know you-"

i interrupt him, i start laughing, "pj liguori?? a good person?? that's some good shit right there, phil. man, i thought you were gonna say something important i was actually nervous about it, listen if you're gonna try to convince me that pj and his side asses are good people then stop wasting your breath because NOTHING will change about the way i think of them."

"no, dan. please, believe me, i know everyone in our grade inside and out, except you and troye of course, but everyone has gotten to the point to trust me and tell me their life story, i know that's hard to believe but it's true, i know pj, he's not like that, i swear he's a good person and he even likes..." his eyes widen and covers his mouth.

i raise an eyebrow "likes what?"

"nothing! just a fault in my mouth as words accidentally slipped out" what the actual hell is wrong with him?

"yeah, phil. you only say that because you don't know what if feels like to get insulted and bullied every single day of your life. and especially get judged by your sexuality. yeah, you don't know because you're mister perfect, you're mister 'oh, i'm phil, i'm the fucking sunshine and no one hates me because i'm such a good person and all i want to do is make people smile and happy and i'm so popular so i wouldn't know what it's like to have depression and constantly think about what would happen if i left this world'."

shit. i was rambling on for too long.

"dan.. i-"

"save it, phil"

he tries to say something else but i don't let him.

i get up and am about to leave but he grabs my wrist stopping me, when he did that i felt like i was shocked in my wrist, by his touch.

i pull my hand back, rubbing my wrist. "if you ever try to convince me that those monsters are actually good.. just stay away from me, alright?"

i leave the classroom and start walking home, i really hope my dad isn't there.

i open the door, and to my surprise my dad is there, fun.

"what are you doing here? aren't you supposed to be in school?" he says.

"yeah, but we got out early" i lied.

"well, why didn't you go back to your friend's house?" wow he really doesn't want me here, don't worry dad i don't want to be here either.