One More Try

Chapter Three ~ Amazing

Even after the few weeks that have passed since dad has come out of the hospital he can't stop drinking. I didn't want to believe it at first when Sam said he really had a problem but now I can't help to agree. Sam's taken that lump sum of money and placed it into a safe somewhere so dad can't spend it all on booze. Dad has been just in so much self pity lately and it feels horrible. I don't know what to do. 

I feel terrible and I want to help him so bad, but I don't know what to do. I've gotten drunk a few times after the hospital incident. So I guess I'm not really helping the situation either. But on those nights I wasn't alone. I was in the company of Sam. 

Tonight we were left home alone. Dad, Cas, and I. Sam and Leila went out on a date night to make up for a few weeks ago. Something stupid like that. We were having or going to have a movie night of our own. I was making popcorn in the kitchen when I heard dad listening to a song I typically wouldn't see him listening to. It was called Sober Saturday Night by Chris Young, and if you're familiar with the artist he's country and dad never listens to country unless he's really drunk and crying about mom to Shania Twain songs. So it was odd and I also thought I heard him sobbing. Tonight he wasn't drunk, but he wasn't sober if that made sense. He has had only one or two beers. It take him about five or more to get drunk and about maybe ten to be plastered.

Once I was done with the popcorn I went into the living room to where he was. Cas was also doing something in the kitchen so he said he'd be in shortly. I then saw dad laying on the couch singing the song. Or parts of it anyway. "No I'm not hungover it's true. But I'm still not over you. All messed up, all strung out, I was sitting at home breaking time. No I'm not out there getting high underneath some neon lights. Ain't no whiskey strong enough to make things right. I'm just getting over another sober Saturday night. Besides the pain. I don't feel a thing." I knew he related to that. He was singing that for mama. He never really got over her death. Hell neither did I. So I couldn't really complain. 

I tapped dad's shoulder and he got up. He then grabbed the popcorn from me. "Thanks baby. What movie did you chose?" I sat beside him. "I'm not starting it until Cas comes but P.S. I Love You." Dad smiled. "Your mother would have liked this movie. I've watched it I think once with Cas. He saw it on the television one night and we stayed up to watch it. We both were crying so bad. I felt like a big baby." I leaned in closer to him. I was getting colder. He then pulled the couch blanket on top of me. "Here so you won't be cold." "Thanks dad." He nodded and grabbed something from Cas as he sat down. I then played the movie. 

I fell asleep during the movie so I had no idea what they were doing. Not like I cared at the moment but it was just one of those moments I enjoyed. All of us were spending time together without being hurt. It was a rare occasion, but it was amazing. I loved spending time with them. They were my world. I was just so tired that I couldn't manage to stay awake any longer so I bet they'd understand.

I woke up to dad and Cas hysterically laughing with a bunch of people around. My version of a bunch of people are literally like five. So don't get too excited. I sat up on the couch to see it was only Sam, Crowley, and Leila laughing their asses off with dad and Cas. I couldn't understand what they were laughing at because a) I just woke up and b) I never really did. I looked up at them and they were all drinking. I think it was just a social thing so nothing to worry about. Dad then saw me getting up. "Good evening my love. How was your sleep?" I rubbed my eyes. "Uh too many things to process at once. What time is it?" He laughed. "Uh one thirty in the morning so I guess it's good morning." "Uh too early for me." I laid back down. He then patted my hair. "You can go back to sleep if you want. I'll take you upstairs." I agreed and he took me into his room. "I'll be up soon my love. Sweet dreams. I love you." I kissed his cheek. "I love you too. And please no more drinking. How many have you had." "Sammy this is my third I promise only one more and I'm done. Goodnight love." "Goodnight daddy." I dozed back off shortly after he left. He left the door open so I could hear him and yell to him if I needed it.