One More Try

Chapter Five ~ Careless Whisper

(3 days before Christmas)

Last week was a killer, but this week has been actually great. Well maybe for dad it has been because he's not been drinking. For me I've still been binge eating and puking. Sounds gross but it's something that's harder to stop than you think. My addiction is very hard to get over. I've been going on for years. Dad has seemed perfectly fine this week. He doesn't think I am doing this anymore and I feel like such a failure. He keeps telling me how proud he is of me and I keep nodding my head and smiling like nothing is actually happening. I do know one thing for sure is that I am positive Sam knows. How I know that is because he almost catches me every morning and always asks me what I am doing. Which I make up a lie about wanting a drink of milk or something. So he pushes it aside I guess. Or maybe he tells dad about his assumptions. I'll never really know. 

Today was an ordinary day so far. Dad and Cas had gone out shopping for a while, and Sam volunteered to stay home with me so dad didn't have to hear any arguing. So that was an added bonus. I hated shopping. I mean who didn't know that. Sam and I were watching CP-24 when he turned himself to my attention. Leila was also here so I guess Sam didn't feel alone. "So Sammy when are you going to tell dad about your eating?" "Excuse me?" "Oh don't play dumb with me. I know you aren't keeping a single meal down. So when are you going to tell your father? He's held his end of the bargain. It's time you should too." "Oh jeez I didn't really think anyone has noticed. I mean I've kept some things down. So you have to give me credit for that. I'm getting better." He scoffed. "Like hell it is. It's more like it's getting worse. You know it's not fair to dad. He's been working hard at this. It almost seems like you haven't been at all. Every time you eat you go to the bathroom ten minutes later. Something isn't adding up here my love." I shook my head. "How about you try having eating issues? Then see how I feel. I've been trying so god damn hard whether it seems to be that way or not. This is hard Sam." "I know that it is hard Sammy, but you can't keep making up excuses. It's not an issue it's a disorder. So it's a huge problem and you need to get over it." "I can't just get over it!" Leila looked at both Sam and I.  "Guys lets not get heated this early. We can all agree that any disorder is hard to get over. I just don't want a huge argument over something so small. Plus it's not that important anyways. You both over exaggerate over a lot of things." Sam wasn't very happy about what she just said and hell neither was I. I took a lot of offence to it. I think Sam did as well. I was praying they weren't going to get into a heated argument. 

Which it may not be a bad thing because she has been being a jerk towards me lately. Dad never seemed to notice but I think Sam has. Which right now he was looking as if he were about to stand up for me. "We over exaggerate over a lot of things? She has a fucking mental health issue that could literally kill her and we're over exaggerating things? I don't fucking think so." She snapped back at him. "Well you guys keep giving into her fucking habits so might as well be. If you guys cared more maybe she'd be getting the proper help she needs. Clearly she's not getting any help because sitting around the house basically watching her kill herself isn't helping. How could you guys do that?" I had to step in because Sam was now in her face and seemed pretty pissed. They both were in each others faces. "And who are you to tell us how to raise her? We don't give in to her every wit. You're just so fucking ridiculous. Like you know how to raise a child. Yours don't even live with you." "You take that back you stupid fucker! You don't even have any kids because your last lover died because of you. You killed Jess. You endangered her life. Now you're endangering hers!" She said as she pointed to me.

I knew that hurt Sam a lot. He really loved Jess. I knew he did. I knew he never got over Jess. He couldn't she was his first love. Now for Leila I swore to our lord and saviour she was going to be hit by Sam. I knew Sam wouldn't but the look in his eyes said something else. I then felt a sigh of relief when I heard the car pulling into the driveway. That relief went away when Leila stormed out of the way knocking me flying onto the coffee table. I hit my face off of the table. Fuck did it hurt. I heard the door opening. I looked up to Sam to see his face redder than a tomato. I tasted blood in my mouth. That wasn't a good sign. Sam spoke again. "I don't want to ever fucking see you again. So get the fuck out of my house and don't ever come back here." I was so shocked. The look on dad's face when Sam went storming upstairs was not a good look.