My Life Before I Died

Journal Entry 13

   What's the meaning of life? Like really, what is it? I always wonder why I was brought to earth, who made me, when, where, how. I mean, I know my mom and dad made me, but who made the first people. I hear a lot of different stuff. I hear Adam and Eve, but they had two sons, how does that work to make another human? I hear about Zeus and how he made the world and other stuff like that. Shinto believes in only one god like me, but doesn't follow what the book says. She thinks it dumb. For example, it's a sin to be gay. She said does that mean Fon would to hell cause he's gay. Thinking of it, that means my art teacher would to go hell cause she's bi? I thought of that for a while and soon agreed to Shinto. That rule is dumb. Does this mean the whole Lgbt community would go to hell?
     OK, off that. It's getting me paranoid and there's no way for me to mix the Bible. School was cancelled today cause of the huge thunderstorm that's happening. The basement flooded and they have to drain the water out. I laid in bed. I had nothing to do. The power went out so I can't play Majora's mask. I tired calling Shinto, Kyle, and Myuesaki but no one answered. So now, here I am. Laying in bed, bored as I can ever be. The thing that works in the house the battery radios. I took on and started listening to the first thing that came on. First, I don't know how to change it and two, I'm lazy to learn how. I enjoyed the music that was playing. Pop, with a little rock here and there.
      So anyway, how does one live a life? How does one know they lived a full life if can die at anytime. My mom tells me to live life to the fullest. When do I know I lived life to the fullest. Is there a way for a person to live a full life? What age does the full life stops? 50, 100, 200. Does your full life stops when you die? I mean, you can still live on as a spirit. Or as zombie if the Zombie Apocalypse ever happens. But then all your family and friends would be afraid of you as a zombie. At least as a spirit you can watch or them. You can make sure they live a happy life and when they die, you can be together again.
      Speaking of dying, I seriously wonder, how will I die? At first I thought I was going to die in the hands, or scissors, of Shinto. But now, I wonder how. I want to die in my sleep to be honest. No pain right? But at the same time, I want to die with honor. Like if Link ever die, dies. He would be known as a hero. That's how I want to die. To a known as someone who did something to help a lot of people. When I die I don't want people to remember a boy who play videogames all day and crushed on his genderfluid friend who he almost died from. No offense Shinto. I don't want to get hit by a car, or by a train, or plane. I don't want to fall of a cliff, or plane, or helicopter, or building. I don't want get a sickness and die. I don't want to get stabbed or chocked or beating to death. I want to die, a nice death. In my sleep, in Shinto's arms. But, I want to be known as a hero, not just plain old Ben.
      Then meaning of life. Live I guess. Live a happy life the best way you can. Even if your surrounded by negative, there a way to be positive. There's always someone out there to give you smile, to give you a hug, to give you something to be happy about. You just need to find them. For all you know the person could be you. Maybe this is what my mom meant about living life to the fullest.
      Hmm, I wonder what future me would look like. I looked at some on my moms kid photos, teen,  and now photos and she went through huge changes from height, hair styles, to clothes. I just found out my mom has a tattoo of a rose on her shoulder! She had piercings on her lips and nose. She said she got them when she went through the "changes". I don't know what the "changes" are but we're going to learn about them in school soon. The "changes" seem to be cool. My mom looked the band members off of the poster Shinto has on her wall of rock stars. She said the "changes" are different for in ways. As long I get look as cool as my mom, don't care. I wonder did getting those piercings hurt? I'll ask Kyle. He got his ears pierced for his birthday.
      Will I still be friends with Kyle, Shinto, and Myuesaki when we eat older? I always hear adults say, all the friends you have now, out of all of them, one will stick with you. I believe that. My parents had a whole highschool and college as friends, but out of all of them, only like 2 stick with them. Will that happen to us? We been friends for some time now, and I don't think we'll never stop being friends. But I don't want us to split up. I want us to stay best friends til we die. Shinto misses England, at any good time she can leave and go back. Myuesaki, want to be a fashion designer in France, when she gets older, she might leave to do that. Even though I dislike Kyle, I might miss him the most and that's saying a lot. I might miss not liking him. He might move back to New Orleans to be with his uncle who's a Jazz artist. Everyone will be gone, and I will be alone. I only have 3 friends and those 3 friends give me the power to live life. They help me get through a day at school. They help me learn stuff I never knew about life. Their parents help me get through everyday stuff. Fon, helps me understand life in different eyes. I would always remember these quotes people told me.

"Life is like a game that needs to be won. In other words, life is where you as the player, have to get to the higher ranking. You have to be more than anyone else, but at the same time respect those people lower than you"

-Kenta

"A Negative plus A Negative can equal a Positive Ben. Not in math term, in life terms"

-Teacher

"A problem can be fix, starting with you"

-Myuesaki's dad

"I can expect failing, but I will never expect not trying"

-Shinto and Fon

"Giving up as words, only people who never try enough say. If something doesn't work, try and try again til it works. Never give up cause something didn't go it's way the first time."

-Kyle

"Learning a new sport, is the same as learning about life."

-Mr. Vincent and Mr. Jason

    These will always stay close to me. I will always remember too.

Ben! There's someone here to see you! Mom called out.

Coming! I I replied.

     I got out if bed and went down stairs and to the front door. There were my friends. Kyle, Myuesaki and Shinto. They all were soaked in rain and we're holding bags.

Hey Ben They said.

Hi I said.

We came over so we can get through this rainy day, together Shinto said.

I brought bored game Myuesaki holding up her bag.

I brought bake goods my mom made Kyle said holding up his bag.

And I brought a book of scary stories Shinto said holding up her bag.

And I said it was fine they could stayed to night mom said.

      I smiled and hugged my mom.

Thank you I said

Your welcome she said petting my head.

        Shinto, Myuesaki, Kyle and I went up stairs back to my room. We made a fort out of chairs, blankets, my bed, and pillows. We sat inside and played the board games Myuesaki bought, ate the sweets Kyle bought, and told scary stories out the boom Shinto bought. At the end, we all just laid down in the fort, in a circle, and listened to the storm that happened outside.

Guys, what's the meaning in life I asked.

Kill or be killed? Myuesaki said.

Dark, but in case true. I don't know, Uhhh, live life to the fullest. That's what my mom says Kyle said

Mine too. Shinto I asked.

That's easy, the meaning of life is us being friends. Being around you guys and the people I love it life to me she said.

       It went silent the storm filled the quiet room.

Heh, of course I said smiling.

Makes since to me Myuesaki said.

Sounds right Kyle said.

      I grabbed Shinto hand and held it tight. She grabbed Myuesaki's, she grabbed Kyle's and he grabbed mine. We smiled.

I love guys I said.

We love you to Ben they said.

(Hello everyone. This entry is based of something I thought people think on a daily including me. The quotes that I used, I actually heard people say. It might not be words from word, but I have heard people say them. And I would always remember them. The quotes actually made me think how cruel the world is, but at the same time how wonder it is to be on it. This entry is something I wanted to share for a long time cause I though it would be to share and I hope it's not. But anyway, I hope you guys enjoy and talk to you next time. Bye!)