FINDERS AND KEEPERS.

3. Here's A Little Lie.

Song of the chapter.

Blackcoffee ft Shakinah - Your eyes.

This is the second worst place to be in. There's  just too many noises and too many faces,  too much of everything and I can't escape this, I still have a year and I guess I'll have to keep bearing it.

Almost got kicked out of School because of tattoos,  but then my Mother just decided to die and everything was fine.

Sympathy. That's what kicks a man in the balls,  that half-ass sorry and those eyes,  when they all pretend that thinking they know how you feel will help or when they just apologize for no reason.

Sympathy is what has been following me to School and I don't  give a damn about the benefits.

I know that today is the appointment with the School Therapist and it's never pleasant or what I want. If it was up to me,  I'd stay at the back of the library and pretend to read or maybe the ground would swallow me whole. I think the ground part works,  anything not to sit on that chair and talk about how I feel. It's  pretty clear that I feel like shot,  what more does she want?

She's letting  me in before I can come in and she turns all her attention back to me before she hangs up the phone.

I'm rolling my eyes at her.

"Good morning, Jared" she's giving me the doctor smile.

"Sure" I'm plopping on the comfortable chair. I hate the sight of this office,  I hate how much of a neat freak she is and I'm wondering when did she last see a shrink.

Black and white are all over this room.  Not blending in,  but sharing space together and spreading on different sides like they are college roommates sharing space,  black tales the darker side of the room and creates this place that leaves white to brighten everything. Her table is in the center, it's on both colors and she's dressed in black,  sitting on a white chair.

Same with me. I blend in nicely with this room,which means I'm like the black in this room.

"How are you today? " she's  giving me that rubber smile again. I don't  understand why she smiles when nobody is forcing her and why is asking me this?

"Nice" I'm pulling my cap off.

"Are you going to talk today? " she's leaning forward and looking at me like the answers on my face.

"About what?"  I'm casually asking.

"Jared, talking is what you need. You need to trust me enough to help you,  because  that is ewe hat I'm  here for" she has lowered her voice.

I'm  leaning back and looking at her. She has just looked away, I'm  not moving my eyes though.

They carry the moon's painful silence and the woods' cries and each night they become worse. My eyes tell them to look away,  to look far away from me and I guess I don't mind.

No one can help me.

"You want to hear what? You want here that my Mother killed herself? Don't  you know that already? " I'm leaning forward and looking at her,  trying to catch her eyes." Don't  you know that my Dad is really busy? Don't you know everything about my family? Doesn't  Nikolai tell you enough? "

"What I discuss with your brother  is between us and doesn't  concern you, Jared"  she's looking at me again now that the cap is shielding my eyes.

Her office always bores me before I can even go inside and right now it's  on another level,  it's  like she thinks  determination will get me to talk to her and she will listen,  there's  nothing  to tell.