My dearest Butler

Chapter 31

I open my eyes again and see Lu smiling down at me. "Hey." He whispers softly while tugging a strand of hair behind my ear.

"Hey." I whisper back.

He looks around and lets out a sigh. "Are you alright?"

I hesitate before shaking my head. He offers me a comforting smile and pulls me closer to him. "It hurts, Lu. It hurts so much. I don't think that I can take this for much longer. It feels like I'm torn apart and eaten alive." I cry out as I let the tears flow again.

"I know." He breathes out before he places a kiss on my head. "But you have to stay strong."

"I know." I tell him. "But I don't want to anymore. I just want to throw anything away and just disappear. I just don't want to exist anymore."

Lu doesn't say anything anymore nor does he ask any questions. He just holds me tight and makes me feel protected.

I know, I usually don't like that feeling  but right now it is all I need. I just need someone to hug me.

I smile to myself and stop crying.

I feel so lost but he makes me feel like I belong somewhere, he is all I have, except for Jack that is. And maybe Mark...

But Lu is someone I consider as family, he is my dearest butler after all and our story goes way back.

Now that I think about it, he still didn't tell me.

"Lu?" I ask him. "Why are you here?"

"Hm?"

"Oh, I mean both. Why did you come here and what actually happened that you're back alive?"

"Oh, that..." He awkwardly scratches his neck. "I just walked by and heard some noises so I just came to check on you, I guess."

"And?" I say, waiting for him to finally spill the beans.

"That's another story for another time, sweetheart."

As much as I want to know, he probably has his reasons not to tell me and I'm going to accept that

I let out a sigh and just stay in his arms for a while, enjoying the comfort. But soon enough I pull my weak body up and start heading to my room, I need some time to think things through.

"Amanda." Someone calls out. "Amanda!" Someone grabs my arm and forcefully turns me around.

I glance at the hand on my arm and follow it until I look at the owner. "What is it, Lu?" I whisper and blink twice.

"You're kidding me, right?"

I look away and shrug.

"Amanda, look at me!" When I refuse, he gently grabs my chin and makes me look at him. "Look me in the eyes and promise me that you won't do anything stupid. You have to stay strong only for a little longer."

"I know!" I yell at him and slap his hand away. "She told me the exact same. Everyone just expects me to stay strong and no one really cares anymore because I always did that. I always stayed strong." I let out a breath and look him in the eyes. "But what if I don't want to stay strong anymore."

"Amanda-" He says, his eyes begging me not to leave him.

"If there's a way, there's a will, she told me herself. That means I can die if I really want to."

"Please, stop it-"

"What's going on here?" Jack interferes, coming out of nowhere.

"Nothing." I tell him with a fake smile. "We just have different opinions on a specific subject, right Lu?" I glance over to Ludwig who is just shooting daggers at me. "Anyway, I'm going to go now." I tell them both and head towards my room again.

As soon as I get inside, I lock the door and let out a sigh.

Thinking about it, I notice that I spend a lot of time in here. I shrug. It's my room after all.

I take my baby's body out from where I've been hiding it and just hold her in my arms for a bit. I look down and smile at her.

"I'm sorry, my dear. Mommy will be there with you soon." I let a tear roll down my cheek and pull my daughter a bit closer. "I just have to sort things out before I can do so."

I lay down on my bed, my daughter still in my arms and let sleep take over me once more.
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Hey:3

Sorry for the short chapter and sorry for not updating in a while but I had a really big problem. It's called writer's block and I couldn't do anything about it :(

Hope you still like the new chapter

Love, hugs and kisses,

Yours Mel<3