Thought of You

Chapter 10

After class I decided to talk to Acri. I have this strange feeling na gusto kong magalit kay Arci. At hindi tama iyon. Alam ko naman wala siyang kasalanan dito. She's pretty and smart. Sino nga ba naman talagang hindi magkakagusto sakanya? That's why, Faye, you should stop feeling this way. And talking to her will make this stop.

"So what is it about, Faye?"

Hindi ko alam kung paano magsisismula. Pero pakapalan na 'to ng mukha "Arci, we're friends. May tiwala ako sayo." pagdederetsya ko na then I held her hand "Did Ry already tell you that–" she cut me off

"He likes me?" nagulat ako sa sinabi niya kaya napakagat nalang ako ng labi ko "Yes, Faye. He did." simpleng sagot niya

"But honestly I don't care about it. Don't worry."

"What do you mean?" naguguluhang tanong ko sakanya.

"I know you like him so much, and we're friends. So don't worry hindi ko siya ieentertain, no matter what."

Pakiramdam ko bigla akong nabunutan ng tinik sa puso ko. She's really my friend. Alam niyang makiramdam, and I'm so thankful to have her.

It's not that I don't like Ry for Arci dahil lang may gusto ako. Kasi kung gusto din naman siya ni Arci wala akong magagawa. As the saying goes by, 'If he's happy then I'd be happy to.' Ayaw ko di namang magpaka kontrabida dito. Martir na kung martir.

"Arci, seat here." aya ni Ry pagkadating namin sa cafeteria.

That spot is where I usually seat kapag sa kabilang side nakaupo si Ry. And now that he's seating next to my spot at gusto niyang katabi si Arci, naagaw na yung pwesto ko. It's not being childish pero gusto ko kasi palagi na nasa dulo ako ng table.

"Faye!" Jersey called me "Dito ka sa tabi ko." Thank you, Jersey because you're here.

"Arci, what food do you want?" nagulat kami sa tanong ni Ry kaya napalingon kaming lahat.

Ouch! Ako, Ry, di mo tatanungin? Dalawa kami ni Arci ang nalate. Pareho kaming wala pang food, pero siya lang tinanong mo.

"Anything." Arci simply answered

I thought he'll ask me too but, "Hmm. Okay, wait here." tumayo na siya at umalis.

Nagpabalik balik ang tingin ng mga kaibigan namin sakanilang dalawa at saakin. Maybe they're confuse of what's happening. In the end they looked at me, 'yung tingin na nagsasabing 'Ba't ikaw hindi tinanong?' Nginitian ko lang sila at nagkibit balikat.

Alam nila na crush ko siya at boto sila saakin. Kaya ganyan nalang siguro ang gulat nila.

"What's happening?" Jalen was the one who broke the silence pagkadating ni Ry.

Nilapag ni Ry ang food "Okay, mukhang nahalata niyo na." umupo na siya at nagulat ako–kami ng hawakan niya ang kamay ni Arci. Arci was the one who stayed normal "I like Arci." and just by that nagsilaglagan ang mga panga ng mga kaibigan namin.

"Akala ko ba–" hindi natuloy ni Ange ang sasabihin niya nang tumayo ako.

"Oorder lang ako ng food." pagpapaalam ko saka umalis

I can't take it anymore. Seeing him the way he look at her. Seeing him asking what food she want. Seeing him wanting her to seat next to him. Seeing him confessing his feelings to her infront of our friends... It all makes my heart shatter into peices.

Hindi talaga ako bumili ng food ko. Honestly di ko nga alam kung saan ako pupunta, basta naglakad lang ako palabas ng cafeteria kasi hindi ko kayang makita't marinig pa iyon. Lakad ako ng lakad when I realized kung saan ako dinala ng mga paa ko. This place, ito yung lugar kung saan ilang beses niyang pinatigil ang mundo ng paulit paulit kahit sa sandaling oras lang.

I cant help it but to cry. Dito nag umpisa lahat, e. Simula nung magsama kami noon dito sa garden na ito naging malapit na siya saakin. Simula noong araw na iyon aaminin ko, umasa ako. Sino ba namang hindi, diba?

"You're crying, but you didn't call me." I froze when someone talked behind me "Didn't I tell you, I don't like seeing you alone.. feeling alone?"

"R-ry?" nauutal na sabi ko pagkaharap ko sakanya. May mga luha pa sa mata ko pero wala na akong pakialam. There's no point denying it.

Mas masakit palang umiyak kapag yung iniiyakan mo nasa harap mo lang. Mas naiiyak ka, mas nasasaktan ka. Kasi kahit gusto mong sabihin yung hinanakit mo di mo magawa dahil siya yung dahil ng sakit na nararamadam mo.

"Faye," he held my cheecks "Please stop." he looked worried.

"W-why are you here?" kahit gusto kong kiligin dahil nandito siya hindi ko kaya kasi alam kong mas masasaktan lang ako.

"They were worried, you said oorder ka lang ng but you left the cafeteria." he's still lookin' at me "That's why they asked me to follow you." bigla akong napaiwas ng tingin.

Oo, Faye. Inutusan lang siya, hindi yan kusa, wag ka nang mag assume pa.

"Damn! You're crying again..."

Alam kong mas masasaktan lang ako pag pinagpatuloy ko 'to. Pero wala akong magawa kasi sobrang nanghihina na ako. I just need the feeling of being secured.

I hugged him. Nagulat siya pero wala akong pakialam. Wala akong pakialam kung iba ang gusto niya. Ang kailangan ko lang ngayon ay comfort. Then he hugged me back.

This is not normal anymore, I know. Hindi ako masasaktan ng ganito kung crush lang ito. Umiyak ng sobra sobra dahil lang sa crush? I don't think that's normal

Cause right now, I know... My feeling is more than just a crush. I admit it, I'm already in love with him.

Someone's POV

They shouldn't be in this tough situation. Hindi niya deserve masaktan. She deserve to be loved. I don't want to hurt her, but this is the only way for her to accept the fact that they will never gonna happen.

Hindi sana siya umiiyak. Hindi sana siya nahihirapan. Hindi sana siya nasasaktan.. Kung hindi dahil saaakin. Bakit pa kasi kailangan ganito ang mangyari? I love her, but I can't do anything para mawala lahat ng sakit na nararamdaman niya.

I just hope someday, she'll understand me.

Bago pa man nila ako makita dito na naunuood sakanila I decided to leave them.

"I'm sorry, Faye..." I whispered